[DISCLAIMER]
IMPERFECT CELL: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release...
(cut to Krillin flying in the sky looking for Bulma's plane)
KRILLIN: Huh? (sees a twinkle in the distance) Oh, hey! It's Bulma! HEY, BULMA!
(from inside the plane, Baby Trunks starts babbling incoherently, catching Bulma's attention)
BULMA: Huh? What is it, Trunks? (Baby Trunks is seen pointing forward, trying to say something)
KRILLIN: Bulma!
BABY TRUNKS: Krillin! Krillin!
BULMA: (not noticing Krillin approaching the plane) Whatcha pointing at, little guy?
KRILLIN: ...Bulma?
BULMA: (finally notices) Huh?
KRILLIN: BULMA, STOP THE-- (WHAM! Krillin hits the windshield of Bulma's plane and groans)
BULMA: OH, MY GOD!!!
KRILLIN: (muffled) Found ya...
(Krillin Owned Count: 32)
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Cell, having just achieved Semi-Perfect Form, his body crackling with electricity)
ANDROID 16: Come with me if you want to live. (starts running towards Android 18)
ANDROID 18: Did you just--? (Android 16 grabs Android 18's arm and tries to make a run for it, but Semi-Perfect Cell flies ahead of them and blocks their path. Android 16 lightly pushes Android 18 behind him.)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (walks up to to the ocean and looks at his reflection in the water) (speaking in a deep, baritone voice) Hmm... So this is what lips feel like... (begins playing with his new lips by making blubbering sounds, then chuckles) Oh, that's fun! (starts making motor-boating sounds with his mouth until Android 16 punches him flatly in the face, which does nothing. Cell responds by making a muffled motor-boating sound and then blasts Android 16 with a close-range Big Bang Attack, sending him flying.)
ANDROID 16: (as he gets sent flying by Cell's attack) AGGGGGGGH!
ANDROID 18: 16! Are you okay?
ANDROID 16: (gets up as it reveals a part of his head being completely destroyed) My cranial structure has received serious damage. (head sparks) How are you?
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: I'd concern yourself less with him and start focusing on what's important... (gestures to himself) Me...
ANDROID 18: You! Give me back my brother, you fish-lipped asshole!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Now, now, being hurtful isn't going to bring him back.
ANDROID 18: You're a monster!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: And he was delicious!
ANDROID 18: And you honestly think I'd let you do the same to me?
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: To be honest, your compliance isn't a factor.
ANDROID 18: Well, then... (holds her hand over her chest) I'll just have to do this!
(pause...)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (sounding confused) ...Give yourself a boob exam?
ANDROID 18: No. Explode my bomb.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (looking even more confused) In your boob?
ANDROID 18: No, in my chest--
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (puts on a rather amused expression) Booby bomb!
ANDROID 18: I'm serious!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (chuckling) Okay, okay. (regains composure) But before we do something we're all going to regret... let's see what our brother thinks.
ANDROID 18: W-What?
(an image of Android 17 appears above Semi-Perfect Cell)
ANDROID 17: Yo, shiggy-diggy, what's up, my sizzle?
ANDROID 18: (stares in disbelief) Oh, my God...
ANDROID 17: Yo, don't blow your tits, sis, that's whack! You gotta chill yourself before you kill yourself!
ANDROID 18: This can't actually be real.
ANDROID 17: Oh, it's real. And it's happenin'! So what you need to do is calm down, and get all up in Cell! It's downright tubular in here! We got candy and puppies and--
ANDROID 18: You know absolutely nothing about us, do you?
(the image of Android 17 disappears)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Okay, to be fair, I just met you.
ANDROID 18: This isn't a game!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, but it is! All you have to do is kill yourself before I catch you! It's like tag... for keeps. And now with both Piccolo and 16 out of the way... we can play. (begins to advance towards Android 18, who tightly clutches her boo- I mean breas- chest! Yeah. That was right.)
???: NOT YET!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Huh? (looks up and sees Tien Shinhan floating above) (chuckling) Oh, my God! It's Tien! What, was Krillin busy? (Tien angrily clasps both his hands together. The semi-perfect being looks up at him) Come on, buddy, you can't be serious. With your power level? You're no Android, you're no Namekian, and you're certainly no Super Saiyan! You're just human.
TIEN: Yeah? (puts his hands together by the tips of his fingers, forming a triangle in the center) Well, you know what? F**k power levels! (the "triangle" zooms on Semi-Perfect Cell) F**k Super Saiyans! AND F**K YOU! (the "triangle" is now locked on to his adversary) SHIN-KIKOHOU! (fires a Neo Tri-Beam at the synthetic serpent)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, that's adora-- (gets hit by the blast) SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!
(The force of the blast throws Android 18 to the ground. From above, it reveals a crater in a shape of a square being formed on the ground)
TIEN: (looks over to Android 18) YOU!!!
ANDROID 18: Huh?
TIEN: BLOW YOURSELF UP OR LEAVE; I DON'T CARE WHICH!!!
ANDROID 18: (nods while stammering quickly) Yeah, okay.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (starts flying out of the hole) UPSTART! TRICLOPS! BITCH!
TIEN: KIKOHOU! (blasts Cell back down into the hole with another Neo Tri-Beam)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: GODDAMN--! (blubbers incoherently)
ANDROID 18: Come on, 16, we have to go!
ANDROID 16: Where is 17?
ANDROID 18: He's gone, buddy.
ANDROID 16: That is sad... I am sad...
ANDROID 18: We both are. (a flash of light is shown as Tien repeatedly blasts the Bio-Android down into the crater)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (tries flying out of the hole) Stop it! (gets blasted) STOP IT! (gets blasted again) ANGRYYYYYYY!!!
TIEN: KI! KO! HOOOOOOOOU!
(cut over to Kame House with Chiaotzu walking outside)
CHIAOTZU: Tien...
MASTER ROSHI: Jeez, I think I can hear that...
TIEN: (from far-off) KIKOHOU! (explosion)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (from far-off) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
(cut to The Lookout)
GOKU: Oh, boy...
GOHAN: Is that...Tenshinhan?!
GOKU: Yeah. And he is nettled. Super-nettled.
GOHAN: Uh...
MR. POPO: He's gonna die.
GOKU: Probably...
(back on the battlefield, Tien continues to barrage Semi-Perfect Cell with Neo Tri-Beams)
TIEN: (fires a blast with each syllable) KIKOHOU! (slows down) KIKOHOU! (now shouting very slowly, a sign of exhaustion) KI! KO! HOU!
(Tien stops firing Neo Tri-Beams and there is a moment of silence)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (from inside the crater) (panting) Are ya done?! Because I'm coming out... and I swear to God, if you do that again... I will be SO FREAKING NETTLED! (starts flying out of the crater)
TIEN: (calmly) Kikohou.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: AWW, DAMN IT!!! (The ultimate Android is slammed into another crater by another Neo Tri-Beam)
(cut to Kame House)
YAMCHA: He's really going all-out...
CHIAOTZU: His body won't last long... The Kikohou just takes too much energy!
YAMCHA: Yeah, didn't he do that when you, uh...? When you...?
CHIAOTZU: (feigning amazement) Died, yes... (now sounding annoyed) Jesus, we've literally all done it!
CHI-CHI: I haven't.
CHIAOTZU: Give it some time, you're hanging with the right crowd.
YAMCHA: What should we even do now? I feel so helpless...!
MASTER ROSHI: Listen! Sometimes you gotta know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em. And right now, it's foldin' time...
(cut to inside Kame House)
MASTER ROSHI: (from outside) Pig! Grab M'Dick!
OOLONG: (appears from behing the couch) Please tell me you mean the submarine!
MASTER ROSHI: Heh!
(cut back to the battlefield as it shows a large explosion)
TIEN: (thinking) Huh... Not dead yet. That's weir-- Ahh, there we go... (drops down from the sky and collapses on the ground as an enraged Semi-Perfect Cell starts emerging from the crater)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: You know, if you want my personal opinion, Kikohou is a pretty sad choice of last words. But to be fair, (prepares to kill Tien with a Big Bang Attack) it's far from the worst decision you've made today.
TIEN: (weakly) Kiko-f**k yourself...!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Aw, see? That's the spirit.
(cut to The Lookout)
MR. POPO: HE DEAD!
GOHAN: No! We can't just let him die like this! (to Goku) You gotta save him!
GOKU: But I can't get him in time! There's no way I could move fast enough to grab him, get out, and-- (pauses for a moment... and then disappears using Instant Transmission with a popping sound)
GOHAN: ...Did he just remember he can do that?
MR. POPO: Your father's an idiot.
(back on the battlefield, another popping sound is heard and Semi-Perfect Cell's eyes grow wide in surprise)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Huh? Goku?
GOKU: Hey, sorry, I just-I'm just here for my buddy! I'll be gone in a second! Let you get back to your business.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Hold on, what??
GOKU: Oh hey, Piccolo's alive, too! (shows Piccolo washed up on the side of the island and gurgling) Ooh, little water-logged there, buddy? (runs up to Piccolo)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: I blew a hole in him! How durable is he? ...How durable am I?? Questions for later...
GOKU: (grabs Piccolo and Tien) Okay, I'm about done here! See you tomorrow! Oh, and, uh, by the way, Cell? (sounding extremely dark) ...You're gonna die. (disappears, making the same popping sound as before)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: (looking completely perplexed and surprised) Huh? What--? How--?? Why--??? (screaming) I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!!
(cut to Krillin and Bulma)
BULMA: And you're sure you're okay?
KRILLIN: Bulma, you know what I've been hit by--I'm fine! Now, you got the detonator?
BULMA: Yeah, right here! (hands Krillin the remote) Now listen, its signal is weak, so you'll have to be within ten meters of the Androids.
KRILLIN: So what you're saying is I have to get close...
BULMA: Eh, thirty feet isn't THAT close...
KRILLIN: Oh, I'm gonna get all up in that.
BULMA: Well, you could use some protection, then.
KRILLIN: Pardon?
BULMA: I made you all battle-suits, like Vegeta's!
KRILLIN: Oh! Well, thanks, but I probably won't need it. I'm pretty good about pulling out before I get into trouble. Besides, I tried one on Namek, but I got a huge hole in it.
BULMA: ...Okay, then! I'll just hand them out to everyone else. See you later!
KRILLIN: Thanks, Bulma! (Bulma takes off) Huh. This, uh...this remote's a lot heavier than I expected.... Huh...
(cut to The Lookout)
GOHAN: Are you two okay?
TIEN: Yeah. We may not have Dragon Balls, but I guess Senzu Beans are a close second.
GOKU: It's a good thing I showed up when I did. Cell was about to 69 ya!
GOHAN: 86, Dad. 86.
GOKU: I'm not good with numbers.
PICCOLO: I'll admit, that was pretty ballsy, but all you did was stall him! Now he's alone to hunt down Android 18, and we don't have anyone with the strength to stop him!
GOKU: Huh?
MR. POPO: Your worthless maggot friends are coming out!
GOHAN: Or do we?!
GOKU: No, Gohan, we haven't gone in yet.
PICCOLO: ...Wow. Really, Goku?
(shift over to the door of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber opening with Trunks walking out along with Vegeta, with both of their clothes being tattered)
GOKU: Hey, Trunks! Wow, neat hair!
TRUNKS: (thinking) Oh, my God. First piece of positive reinforcement in over a year! Respond appropriately! (out loud) Thank you, I grew it myself. (thinking) DAMN IT!
GOKU: Huh. That's funny.
TRUNKS: (thinking) ...Roll with it.
GOKU: And hey, Vegeta! Wow, you guys sure got strong, huh?
VEGETA: That's right, Kakarrot. And you wouldn't believe just how much. You see, while I was training in the depths of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, I looked deep within myself, and-- (through Goku's POV) Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, pride, blah, blah, prince of all, blah, blah, blah, Super Saiyan. Blah, blah, blah. (in reality) And through all of that, I have ascended! That's right, I have reached a new level! Do you hear me, Kakarrot? I am finally stronger than you!
GOKU: Neat!
VEGETA: F**K YOU!
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(shows Semi-Perfect Cell still making motor-boating sounds with his new lips)
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