KAISERNEKO: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(scene shows Kami's spaceship arriving on Planet Namek)
NARRATOR: So, after seven hundred and thirty-one grueling galactic weeks of travel—or one month if you never watched "Men in Black"—our *ahem* "heroes" have finally arrived on Planet Namek. Where the sky is green, the grass is blue, and it's boring as s**t.
KRILLIN: Hey, Gohan, check it out. Blue grass. What do you think their favorite kind of music is? Huh? Huh?
KRILLIN: Huh. You're really sheltered, aren't you?
GOHAN: I had to read an entire book about peach farming on the way here. You tell me.
KRILLIN: Well... hey! We're on Namek now! Bulma, got the Dragon Radar?
BULMA: Right here! We're already picking up four DragonBalls!
KRILLIN: See? Now we just have to find them, wish our friends back, and head on home!
BULMA: Hey Krillin, is that a Saiyan ship?
(A space pod is seen flying above Krillin)
KRILLIN: (notices the space pod) Huh?
GOHAN: I think I sense Vegeta.
KRILLIN: (sounding more frightened) Huh?
BULMA: Oh, and now those four DragonBalls are on the move.
(scene shifts Vegeta's space pod landing on Namek, with Vegeta emerging from the crater and holding a scouter)
KRILLIN: (in background) -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
VEGETA: Ahhh... good to be back at a hundred again. (puts on his scouter) Augh, I just got here and this planet's already annoying me. (sees another space pod approaching Namek) Wait a minute, is that Cui's pod? (begins to walk forward) Well, I better go take care of this.
KRILLIN: -AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (gasps for breath)
GOHAN: Ya done, Krillin?
KRILLIN: Yeah... I'm good.
FREEZA SOLDIER 1: Hey! What's that over there?
KRILLIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAA- (continues to scream in the background)
FREEZA SOLDIER 2: In the name of Freeza, we demand that you stop!
KRILLIN: -AAAAAAHHHHH! Wait, haven't I heard that name before?
FREEZA SOLDIER 2: Alright, stay where you are and we'll shoot you.
KRILLIN: Don't you mean "Or we'll shoot you?"
FREEZA SOLDIER 2: We know what we said! (fires a shot at the spaceship, with Bulma jumping out of the way)
(Bulma manges to avoid the explosion, but the spaceship is now immobilized as it has a visible hole, causing the front window to crack)
KRILLIN: Huh. Well there goes our ship.
BULMA: (off-screen) What the f**king hell?!
FREEZA SOLDIER 1: Damn, man, you couldn't hit the broad side of a space barn.
FREEZA SOLDIER 2: Yeah, well, that's only because I'm too busy hitting the broad side of your mom! (gets punched by Gohan) Gah! My face!
(Krillin kicks the other soldier, making him collide with the soldier Gohan attacked and into a lake)
KRILLIN: Hah! Looks like they're all... washed up! (Gohan gives a blank stare) Yeaaaaaaaahhhhh... da da da da da, oh...
(Krillin Owned Count: 11)
BULMA: I can't believe this... We're stranded on an alien planet... It's like "Pitch Black" only our Vin Diesel is a total bitch...
KRILLIN: It might be best if we get ourselves out of the open. (notices a cave) Hey, look, a cave! (points towards the cave) See Bulma, isn't this nice? A nice dark, dank... cave?
(the cave is heard making a roaring noise)
BULMA: Who knows? Maybe here I'll finally meet a real man.
KRILLIN: What about Yamcha?
BULMA: A real man...
GOHAN: Hey, uh, Krillin, do you feel that?
KRILLIN: What? The need to pee? Well they destroyed the toilet so I guess I'll just use a bush or... (sees something flying in their direction) OH, MY GOD, GET IN THE CAVE!
(a large group of soldiers fly past Krillin and co., who are hiding in a nearby cave)
GOHAN: Krillin! They have the DragonBalls!
KRILLIN: Yes, Gohan, I noticed.
GOHAN: Did you feel their power levels? They were as strong as Vegeta!
KRILLIN: Yes, Gohan, I noticed!
GOHAN: But that one guy at the front, he was like a hundred Vegetas...
KRILLIN: YES, GOHAN, I NOTICED! On the bright side, I no longer have to pee anymore! Lemme go change in the cave...
(shows a time card that says "10 Minutes Later". Krillin is seen walking out of the cave and catching his breath)
BULMA: Geez, took you long enough.
KRILLIN: We're going after those DragonBalls.
BULMA: Whoa, what?
KRILLIN: We may be outmatched... but we didn't come this far just to give up!
BULMA: What the heck happened in that cave?
KRILLIN: Something I should have taken care of a month ago. (removes his hat)
GOHAN: ...I don't get it.
KRILLIN: Come on, Gohan! Bulma, stay here and call Roshi back on Earth. We may need backup. Stay close, Gohan!
(Krillin and Gohan dash away)
BULMA: Well, I guess I better set up camp then. (runs inside the cave) OH, GOD, IT'S EVERYWHERE!
(scene shifts to Kame House with the music "I'm Too Sexy" playing in a radio. A phone rings and Master Roshi answers it.)
MASTER ROSHI: Kame house, where the beaches are fine and the bitches are finer! Could you speak up? I'm not wearing pants.
(shifts to Wukong Hospital showing Master Roshi, standing next to a nearby nurse, reporting to Goku about the current situation on Namek)
MASTER ROSHI: And not only is Vegeta on the planet, but apparently someone else is there, even stronger than him! So in short, s**t be wack, yo!
GOKU: Fo' shizzle, Master Rizzle! I can't do anything until I'm fully healed though! If only there were a way...
YAJIROBE: Hey there, I thought I'd just drop in with these magical Senzu Beans that heal all wounds and restore your stamina.
GOKU: ...If only there were a way--
MASTER ROSHI: Take the damn magical beans, Goku!
GOKU: Ooh! Sweet science-y magic!
("Spinach Theme" from "Popeye" plays as Goku eats a Senzu Bean, jumps out of the hospital bed and tears off his bandages)
GOKU: Naked time! (strips and puts on his fighting gi) All right! 'Kay guys, I’m going to Bulma's place! (Yajirobe gives Goku the remaining Senzu Beans) By the way, takin' the beans.
MASTER ROSHI: Krillin?
MASTER ROSHI: But... why Bulma's?
GOKU: Well, I need a ship, and Bulma's dad's a scientist.
MASTER ROSHI: ...I'm not even gonna begin to go into what is wrong with that... and just wish you good luck!
GOKU: Niiiimbuuus! Later guys! (jumps out the window) Nimbus? Nimbu-- Oh-God-oh-crap-oh-geezus--
(smashes into ground causing a car alarm to go on off-screen.)
GOKU: (in pain off-screen) I'm okay... (Nimbus can be heard showing up off-screen) Oh... There he is.
MASTER ROSHI: *sigh*
(scene shifts to Planet Namek with Cui waiting foe Vegeta's arrival)
CUI: (tracking Vegeta with his scouter) Hello there, Vegeta. Fancy meeting you here.
VEGETA: So you followed me? Sure took your sweet time.
CUI: Well, I could have gotten here sooner, but I stopped on my way to plow YOUR mother!
VEGETA: ...My mother's dead.
CUI: I know!
VEGETA: ...You know, I'm having trouble remembering, Cui. What's your power level?
CUI: Ha! You would forget! 18,000. Same as yours, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Funny that. See, I just read my Official Saiyan Handbook (holds up said book and starts reading a page) and it says right here "When a Saiyan is beaten to near death, their power level increases immensely."
CUI: Well I don't see what that has to do with anything--
VEGETA: And while I was down on Earth, oh man, I got destroyed!
CUI: Ha ha ha! You... What?
VEGETA: Yep. All by a low level warrior, his half-breed son, a midget, and an obese man with a sword. I lost outright.
CUI: Why are you telling me this? You never tell anyone this!
VEGETA: Easy. Because I know you'll never tell anybody, Cui.
CUI: (bewildered) But... But I hate you! Why would I-- (gets blown up by Vegeta) WAAAAAH!
VEGETA: God, I love therapy.
(scene shifts to Zarbon's scouter getting destroyed by detecting Vegeta's power level)
ZARBON: Oh my, I seem to have gone off prematurely.
DODORIA: Well, hell. Looks like Vegeta just took out Cui. Poor fish-faced bastard.
ZARBON: Wait, which one was Cui?
DODORIA: You remember. Purple guy, hated Vegeta.
ZARBON: Gonna have to be a little more specific.
DODORIA: Reproduced asexually.
ZARBON: Oh, him. Ew! You know I wouldn't have minded so much if he wasn't all up in my face about it. I can only swallow so much.
FREEZA: Will you two pay attention? (shows a group of Namekians) These innocent bumpkins won't slaughter themselves.
ZARBON: Well you might be able to find a way to make them.
FREEZA: Oooh! That'd be fun! Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!
NARRATOR: A new evil has revealed its face. Who are these mysterious enemies? (Gohan and Krillin are seen surveying the situation on top of a ridge) And do Gohan and Krillin stand a chance? The answer to these questions will be revealed... right now! Zarbon, Dodoria, Freeza, and (camera shows Krillin) ohhh my, no!
KRILLIN: Wait, what--
(scene shifts to King Kai's planet in Other World)
KING KAI: Alright, now that you have arrived on my planet we will begin your training. Tenshinhan, Chiaotzu, twenty laps around the planet. Piccolo...
PICCOLO: Go to hell, I'm meditating.
KING KAI: Keep doing that. Yamcha...
YAMCHA: What is it, King Kai? I'm ready for anything!
KING KAI: Wash my car.
YAMCHA: Oooh! Like in that movie! Wax on, wax off!
KING KAI: (walks into his house) Yeah, go wax off.