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DragonBall Z Abridged Movie: Super Android 13/Transcript

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[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(cut to the mountains outside of Dr Gero's lab during the episode "Dr. Gero or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Androids". The dialogue is faintly heard.)

ANDROID 17: (offscreen) ...I'm Android 13, look at my trucker hat.

DR. GERO: (offscreen) I was going through a phase!

ANDROID 18: (offscreen) Well, let's say we open him up and get to know our new friend.

DR. GERO: (offscreen) Don't you dare! (cut to Dr. Gero inside the lab) I am your master and you will do what I say!

ANDROID 17: I... I'm sorry... could you repeat that? I think the ear thing's back.

DR. GERO: I said I am your master and you will do what I-- (Android 17 impales him the chest with his hand)

ANDROID 17: Sorry, doc. (decapitates Dr. Gero with a kick, with his head rolling towards Krillin) Just following orders.

DR. GERO: (as his head stops directly in front of a whimpering Krillin) So... could one of you possibly spare one of those Senzu--

(cut to Android 17 smashing the head of Dr. Gero and everyone minus Trunks looking appalled. Android 17 smiles. Dr. Gero's oil/blood leaks into a crack on the floor leading down to the sub-lab. The episode "Blood, Sweat and Gears" continues from there as Android 17 begins to walk towards Android 18)

KRILLIN: (offscreen) So does this mean they're on our side?

(Trunks yells and Krillin screams, as the shot stops at Dr. Gero's super-computer)

DR. GERO: Well, guess it's a good thing I backed myself up into the super-computer. Have to thank Wheelo for that. Now, what to do with the twins going rogue... How is progress with Plan B?

(cut to Cell as an embryo, clearly not ready to be released yet.)

CELL: (makes a little squirming moan)

(Cut back to the super-computer)

DR. GERO: That's another 17 years out, at least. (cut to three pods holding the new androids for this movie) Ugh... Well, guess it's time for Plan C...

(the TeamFourStar logo materializes and the words "Team Four Star presents" appear as "Dueling Banjos (Orchestra Cue)" plays. Fade to an icy background as the words "Android 13" appear on screen before the title "SUPER Android 13" crashes on the screen as footage from the movie plays behind it)

(cut to the city as pedestrians walk about in their everyday lives. Cut to the mall where Goku (holding a stack of packages) and Gohan (right in front of Goku and holding bags ride an escalator to Chi-Chi, fighting with other women to grab at some items)

CHI-CHI: Touch those Thai silk curtains and I'll turn one of those hoop earrings into a septum ring!

GOHAN: Wow, mom sure is set on filling out Korin and Yajirobe's wedding registry.

GOKU: But why do they need 6 crock-pots? And why all these (thinking) delicious looking (out loud) bath bombs? I don't even think they have a bathroom; Korin always just told me to go over the side.

(scene switches to a bunch of people standing around. Suddenly an explosion starts and other pedestrians run for their lives screaming. Androids 14 and 15 walk toward Goku's direction)

ANDROID 15: S'cuse me. Pardon me. Comin' through. Watch the suit.

(several cars stop abruptly and crash into each other as 14 and 15 cross the street)

ANDROID 15: Man, everyone actin' a fool. Like they never seen a purple dwarf before?

ANDROID 14: (only makes an indiscernible static noise as subtitles appear below him) They do not understand our struggle.

ANDROID 15: I know, right? Racist as shit...

(cut back to the mall as Goku, Gohan and Chi-Chi eat at a restaurant, Goku being especially noisy with his eating)

GOKU: (mouth full) Man, shopping makes me hungry!

GOHAN: (sarcastically) Really? Shopping makes you hungry. Only shopping...

GOKU: Mm-hmm! (swallows) Speaking of, how'd your search go, guys?

(scene pans to Krillin, Master Roshi, Oolong and Trunks at their own table)

KRILLIN: Not great. Turns out Master Roshi's banned from over 500 Victoria's Secret locations. I don't get it. How are you not on some sort of list?

MASTER ROSHI: You think Master Roshi's my real name?

GOHAN: Doesn't Victoria's Secret specialize in women's underwear? Why would Korin and Yajirobe-- (Chi-Chi elbows Gohan, and he soon makes a realization) Oh. Ohh...

(cut to Android 15' point-of-view as they find Goku through the other floor)

GOHAN: (offscreen) But which one wears them?

ANDROID 15: So what do ya think?

ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.

ANDROID 15: Nah. (14 and 15 combine energy blasts) But we can...

(the building starts to shake and everyone looks around confused)

GOHAN: Hey, so, not to point out the obvious, but the restaurant's shaking.

GOKU: (looks up from his food) Huh? (pause) Eh. (looks back down to eat again)

(everyone is forced up off the floor by the energy blast building up beneath them)

GOHAN, KRILLIN, & TRUNKS: (simultaneously) Ohh, crapbask--

(the restaurant explodes. Cut to Gohan carrying Chi-Chi in the air while she's holding a ton of bags)

CHI-CHI: Why can't we go anywhere as a group without something blowing up?

(cut to Goku lowering most of the people to the ground safely, everyone else being held by Krillin and Trunks in the background)

GOKU: Probably not my fault this time... Maybe... (flies back to the group)

(cut to Androids 14 and 15 preparing to attack again with energy blasts (which they don't seem to do, what?))

GOKU: (gasps) Terrorists! Wait, I can't sense them. Androids! Android-orists! Terror-roids! Guys, we got a bad case of terror-roids!

(Gohan flies off, forcing Chi-Chi to drop one of her bags)

GOHAN: C'mon, Mom!

CHI-CHI: No! One of the crock-pots!

(Krillin and Trunks fly the other people away as Goku faces the "terror-roids". The androids fly up to Goku.)

GOKU: So, you guys aren't orgasmic. (cut to Android 15's pov as he scans Goku, stopping once at Goku's crotch as the words "Potential Weak Point" appear before continuing on) Who are you? Red Ribbon? I mean, you got it on your red "Red Ribbon" ribbon. But you know what they say about assuming... (cut to Android 15's face as he finishes scanning) It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "ming".

ANDROID 15: Scan complete. (takes out a flask and takes a few swigs from it before lowering it) This guy's dumb as bricks...

ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) Perhaps introductions are in order.

GOKU: Say wha...?

ANDROID 15: Oh, right. Your unrefined meat-bag ears probably don't understand him. He's introducing himself as Android 14. I am Android 15. And you... (smiles) are Goku.

(Android 15 fires a blast at Goku as Android 14 charges at him. Goku deflects the blast just fine, but gets kicked by 14 clean through a building into another building. The smoke clears to reveal Goku stuck to the wall in a Goku-shaped crater. Androids 14 and 15 fly to Goku as 15 prepares another blast.)

ANDROID 15: And now you're dead! (fires the blast)

(another blast appears from below and blows both blasts up before it could hit Goku, forcing the androids to reel back)

ANDROID 15: Okay, rude!

TRUNKS: (flies up from the streets) Goku, move!

GOKU: Oh, right. (forces himself out of the wall)

(Android 15 prepares three more blasts to hit Trunks, who dodges each one as they explode on the building behind him)

TRUNKS: You know-- (dodges the third blast) --maybe we shouldn't do this here.

GOKU: (fights Android 14) Ooh, ooh! (punches Android 14 away) I know a place! (flies out of the city. Trunks follows along with the androids)

(cut to Gohan and Krillin as they watch the four fly away)

GOHAN: Krillin, we should go after them!

KRILLIN: Should we?

GOHAN: Yes!

KRILLIN: Okay, but must we?

GOHAN: Well, you can come with me or you can stay here with my mom.

(cut to Chi-Chi charging as she screams like a banshee)

KRILLIN: (flies off with Gohan) We must! WE MUST!

(cut to Dr. Gero's super computer)

DR. GERO: Update complete. Now activating Number 13.

(13's pod opens up revealing Android 13 in the shadows)

ANDROID 13: (speaks in a southern accent) Mighty kind of ya, Doctor.

DR. GERO: For crying out loud, we just finished patching that!

(Android 13 walks out of his pod)

ANDROID 13: Doc... Ya can't fix what ain't broke. Now... where's my trucker hat?

(a robotic arm lowers a trucker hat onto Android 13's head as a country version of "Imperial March" plays. Cut to the Arctic as Goku and Trunks fly into the scene and stop as they face the androids)

TRUNKS: (offscreen) No offense, Goku, but... why the Arctic?

GOKU: What? You're fine. You got a jacket.

(cut to Android 15's pov as he scans Trunks)

TRUNKS: Well, yeah, but there are more deserts than we can count and you chose the Arctic.

(cut to Android 15's face as he finishes scanning)

GOKU: Uh, y--you got a jacket...

ANDROID 15: My database says... (smiles) You's a bitch. (disappears)

TRUNKS: I doubt that's what it actually sa-- (Android 15 reappears in front of Trunks and kicks him, forcing him to bounce against the ice walls three times before crashing to the ground) Ugh...

GOKU: Trunks! Your jacket is weighing you down! (turns around) Huh?

(Androids 14 and 15 punch Goku into the wall, and he soon flops onto the ground. Trunks gets up from the crumbled ice)

TRUNKS: Hey, Goku, if and when we make it out of this... (Goku gets up as well) Please don't tell my father that there were two more androids...

(everyone looks up as Android 13 speaks from afar)

ANDROID 13: (offscreen) Ah, to be fair... you'd 'ave been wrong, anyway! 'Cause there's three!

TRUNKS: Aagh! (flies up with Goku to find Android 13 on the cliff of an iceberg)

ANDROID 13: Howdy there. I'm Android 13. Look at my trucker hat...

GOKU: Lookie, Trunks. More 'roids.

TRUNKS: You're kidding me! Are there any more of you that we don't know about?!

ANDROID 13: Nah, just us. Plus the green one in the sub-lab.

TRUNKS: Enough! I have had it with these monkey-fighting androids in this Monday-to-Friday timeline! Hah! (charges at the androids, only to volley with 14 and 15 as they kick him a couple times)

ANDROID 13: Well, son. Looks like 13 is your unlucky number.

GOKU: I don't believe in stuper-stitions.

ANDROID 13: ...How in the blazes did Gero have so much trouble killing you?

GOKU: I'm very stubborn.

ANDROID 13: Hm. (fires a huge finger blast at Goku, who catches it only to find himself slowly being overpowered)

GOKU: Oh, hey, he's actually really strong. (screams as the blast sends him flying into the icy ground straight into the water, where he continues screaming)

ANDROID 13: Careful, son! You might catch your death o' cold!

(Goku resurfaces with a giant iceberg)

GOKU: Catch this cold! (throws the iceberg at Android 13, but as he dodges the iceberg seems to hit 13's hat as it flew off of his head)

ANDROID 13: My trucker hat! (flies up to Goku and grabs his leg) Ya plum done gone dad-gum did it now, son!

GOKU: Who in the wha-- Aah!

(Android 13 drags him into the water again)

GOKU: (thinking) Huh. Hope Trunks is having better luck.

(cut to Trunks swing his sword at Android 14, only for him to catch it between his fingers)

TRUNKS: Ugh! Why did I even bring this?! (thinking) Wait. Why DID I bring this? We were shopping before-- (out loud) Ah! (dodges Android 14's punch and prepares to blast him until Android 15 blasts him in the back straight into a cliff)

ANDROID 15: A'ight, 14, give it back.

(Android 14 tosses Trunks's sword back at him, narrowly missing his head as he gets up forcing him to shriek a little. Cut to Android 13 sending out a red energy blast at Goku, who tries to fly away only to find it following him.)

ANDROID 13: Ya can't dodge my T.H. Death Bomb!

GOKU: Does the T.H. stand for--

ANDROID 13: "Trucker Hat"! Yes!

GOKU: Not my first guess. (the T.H. Death Bomb presses into Goku, forcing him against the ice wall)

(cut to Dr. Gero's super computer)

DR. GERO: Yes... Yes! (cut to Goku struggling with the T.H. Death Bomb) This is the moment!

(a small blast comes up from a crevice and forces the T.H. Death Bomb into the air before it explodes. Android 13 is stunned)

DR. GERO: (offscreen) Oh, what now?!

(the glacier behind Goku splits in half, and Goku flies away as something emerges from within, revealed to be Vegeta)

VEGETA: (offscreen) For thousands of years, I lay dormant! Who has disturbed my--

GOKU: Hey, best buddy!

VEGETA: Oh, it's you. Explain, idiot.

TRUNKS: No, no, no!

GOKU: We found three more androids.

TRUNKS: (offscreen) Dammit!

VEGETA: Three whole androids, huh? Pretty sure that makes eight. Hm, never letting the boy live this one down.

ANDROID 13: (sarcastically) Well, if it ain't the prince. Good day, Your Majesty. I'd tip my hat to ya, (angrily) but I lost it!

VEGETA: Look, I'm a little late to the game here. What's your deal?

ANDROID 13: See here. The kind Dr. Gero deemed us, in his own words, "defective", leaving us on the proverbial shelf until, well... He gone plum run out of options.

GOKU: So, what's your detective?

ANDROID 13: He could not quite tolerate my dulcet tones, my choice in vernacular, and my particular method of... (pronounced) articulation.

GOKU: Also, you talk funny. (cut to Android 14) What about him?

ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) The drivers for my sound card are corrupted and Dr. Gero could not find them online.

VEGETA: Alright, well what about the small one? (cut to Android 15) Is it 'cause he's purple?

ANDROID 13: Okay, racist! If you must know-- (cut to Android 15 taking a couple swigs from his flask) --it's 'cause he's got a drinking problem.

(cut back to Android 13)

ANDROID 15: (offscreen) Hey, it's only a problem when I run out!

ANDROID 13: We don't like to talk about it. Now, I believe we have some business to attend to! Id est, (cut to Trunks, Goku and Vegeta all ready for a fight) laying three corpses upon this here glacier! (cut to Androids 14 and 15) 14! 15!

ANDROID 15: (walks forward) You got it, boss-man! (falls sholder-deep into the snow) ...You forget you saw this. (flies out and exchanges volleys with Vegeta)

(cut to Goku and Android 13 circling each other in the air)

ANDROID 13: Round 2, fleshlights!

(Goku and Android 13 exchange volleys as well. Cut to Trunks sending a blast at Android 14, who merely jumps over it, pins Trunks against a wall, and reels his head back as he delivers multiple head-butts to the poor half-Saiyan time traveler. Cut further away from the fight as Krillin peeks out, along with Gohan)

KRILLIN: (sarcastically) So, we just needed to be here, didn't we?

GOHAN: Yeah, okay...

KRILLIN: Couldn't even stop for a jacket. Just had to beeline it for the Arctic!

GOHAN: Okay, Krillin! I get it! We're not helping. I just... needed some space from my mom.

KRILLIN: Eh, it's alright... (pause) Wanna have a snowball fight?

GOHAN: Probably not a good time.

KRILLIN: Nah, nah, you're right...

(cut to Vegeta and 15  falling to the ground and, from the crash, Android 15 surfs Vegeta straight into a wall before jumping off and preparing to punch him. Unfortunately, Vegeta caught the punch before it could hit)

VEGETA: Hey! (closes his face up to Android 15) Wanna see something cool?!

ANDROID 15: ...Yeah okay.

(Vegeta screams as he powers up in front of Android 15, forcing his hat to fly off of his head and burst into flames revealing a similar glass dome to Dr. Gero's, and the right lens of his sunglasses to shatter revealing his robot eye. He's immediately pushed back as Vegeta becomes a Super Saiyan.)

(cut to Trunks as he's being punched repeatedly by Android 14)

TRUNKS: (thinking) Oh, right. Super Saiyan. (dodges another punch and screams as he powers up as a Super Saiyan)

(cut to Goku as he's pushed into a glacier wall by Android 13)

GOKU: Oh, right. Super Saiyan. (screams as he powers up as a Super Saiyan, crumbling the glacier around him)

(cut to Dr. Gero's super computer)

DR. GERO: Oh, shit. Super Saiyan. (screams as he realizes how f**ked he is)

(cut to Gohan and Krillin)

GOHAN: Uh, why did it take them so long to do that?

KRILLIN: You know, I stopped asking that question a long time ago.

(Super Saiyan Trunks charges up to Android 14. Cut to Vegeta.)

VEGETA: So... (cut to Android 15 taking out his flask) ...are you ready to die, android? (Android 15 takes starts drinking as Vegeta watches) A-Are you-- (Android 15 raises a finger to Vegeta to wait) ...Does that even do anything for you?

ANDROID 15: (puts away the flask) Not anymore.

(after a moment, Vegeta punches Android 15. "Ohgod!" Cut to Android 13 charging at Goku as Goku blasts at 13. 13 throws a blast at Goku, who dodges and throws another ki blast at 13.)

KRILLIN: That's right, Goku! Send him back to Arkansas! (pronounces Ar-kan-saw)

ANDROID 13: (offscreen) It's pronounced "Ar-kan-sas", you idjit! (a blast is sent out at Krillin, who falls down in a panic as it flies past him)

GOHAN: And consider my pet peeved! (sends a Masenkoha out which hits Android 13 on his back as he and Goku are fighting. After a moment, he then sends a blast out to Gohan) Piccolo, help! (yet another blast from the ground sends the first blast away) Holy cow, that worked!

(the ground crumbles towards Goku and Android 13 as Piccolo crashes up and grabs the android's legs)

PICCOLO: (offscreen) For thousands of years, I lay dormant! Who has disturbed my-- (nonchalantly) Oh, hey, Goku. What's up?

GOKU: Androids.

PICCOLO: Neat. Mind if I take a spin? (spins Android 13 around and sends him flying away with a goofy holler)

GOKU: Ha. Because you spun him around. (Android 13 crashes offscreen. "Ow!") Clever.

PICCOLO: Thanks, I was practicing that one under the ice for the last half... (Android 13 re-enters and Goku powers down to normal) You know what, never mind.

ANDROID 13: Now I don't mean to make this about your color or your race, but you'd better high-tail it out of here before you get hurt, BOY.

PICCOLO: You know, it feels like it's about BOTH those things when you end it with the word "boy".

(cut to Vegeta flying back-first into a glacier wall. Android 15 stands on one foot ready to give Vegeta another)

ANDROID 15: Come on, short-stack! That the best you got?

(Vegeta charges at Android 15; the latter does the same. Both deliver a punch as they fly past each other, with Vegeta falling to the ground and powering down to normal. Android 15 turns to mock the fallen prince)

ANDROID 15: Ha-ha! (Vegeta turns to 15 angrily) Super Saiyan or not, you're still just a-- (head falls off his neck into his hands) ...Bitch! (a dog biscuit flies into his face, bouncing off and falling to the ground) ...Did you just throw a motherf**king dog-- (explodes, sending the dog biscuit flying away)

(cut to Trunks flying down to Android 14, the latter flying up as both clash in the air. Trunks lands on the ground with his sword out, blood dripping from his forehead as he powers down. Android 14 lands in the opposite direction)

ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) By metal, my life was given. By metal, it has been stripped away. No dreams before, nor after. Only the end.

(Android 14 explodes and Trunks sheathes his sword, the exposed metal torso of the fallen machine crashing in front of him. Cut to Vegeta flying up to join Goku and Piccolo against Android 13)

VEGETA: Looks like the countdown's just about over, you redneck... Um...

TRUNKS: (appears next to Vegeta) Hey, guys! I did that thing again where I slice my opponent in two and they don't react until--

VEGETA: I did it first, you're not special!

(cut to Android 13)

TRUNKS: (offscreen) B-But you don't even have a sword...

ANDROID 13: 14 and 15 have been destroyed?!... (smirks) Gooood...

(parts of 14 and 15 separate from their remains and fly up to 13, being absorbed into his body one by one)

PICCOLO: I feel like we should be stopping this...

(Cut to Android 13 as more parts are assimilated)

GOKU: (offscreen) Nah, I want a good fight.

(Android 13 slowly starts to buff up, starting with his arms)

KRILLIN: He's 'roiding out!

DR. GERO: (offscreen as 13 transforms, his legs buffing up as his boot straps snap off) Excellent. (13's skin turns blue, his hair turns orange and spiky, and his irises disappear as his eyes turn yellow) Android 13 has reached his ultimate final pinnacle form! (His Red Ribbon vest rips off as his chest expands while he screams) Unstoppable! Blue! And completely taciturn. (He then glares at our heroes with a murderous intent. Android 13 has become Super Android 13) PERFECT...

GOKU: Vegeta, he stole your 'do!

VEGETA: I'll kill him! (becomes Super Saiyan and charges at Super Android 13 and punches him in the chest. It's not very effective. The blue 'roid grabs Vegeta by the arms) Oh no...

(Super Android 13 flies down to the ground as Vegeta screams)

TRUNKS: (flies towards Super Android 13, ready to slice him in half) I got you! (gets blasted away by Super Android 13) Ohgod! (crashes into a glacier wall)

(Vegeta laughs histerically as Trunks falls to the ground, until Super Android 13 slams him into the ground; the android then gets up and reaches his palm to Vegeta)

VEGETA: (laughs weakly) ...Idiot. (gets blasted away towards Krillin and Gohan) Someone stupid get in my way!

KRILLIN: What the-- (Vegeta crashes into Krillin)

(Piccolo repeatedly punches and kicks Super Android 13 to no avail)

NAIL & KAMI: (Boom-chicka-ah! Boom-chicka-ah! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Green dick--)

PICCOLO: (thinking) What are you doing?

KAMI: (We're trying to amp you up.)

PICCOLO: (thinking) Well, it's distracting-- (gets blasted away by Super Android 13)

PICCOLO, NAIL, & KAMI: (Oh ,shit, motherF**KA!!!)

GOKU: My turn! (becomes Super Saiyan and charges at Super Android 13 and repeatedly punches him, and kneeing him once, also to no avail)

(cut to Dr. Gero's super-computer)

DR. GERO: Weakness... identified!

(Super Android 13 grins as he grabs Goku's leg and reels his fist back...)

GOKU: Hey, what are you-- (gets a huge punch in the dick and screams)

(the scene slows as it whites out to the future, where Teen Gohan and Goten are out in a field with a pile of small rocks nearby)

GOHAN: Alright, Goten, it's your job to chuck these as hard as you can so I can be all trained up to face off against Dad in the tournament! (draws a line in the ground with his foot) Now stand behind that line and-- (sees Goten start to disappear in front of him) Goten?

(Goten fully disappears; Teen Gohan looks confused)

TEEN GOHAN: (thinking) What was I doing here?

(flashback to the present as, after punching Goku in the dick hard enough to erase his future son out of existence, Super Android 13 chucks him down a crevice as he screams weakly and high-pitched as he crashes into the ground)

GOKU: (high-pitched) He punched me in the dick... Why...? Why did he punch me in the dick...?

VEGETA: (gets up from under Krillin's legs) Not so funny now, is it, Kakarrot?

KRILLIN: (weakly) Is Goku gonna be okay?

VEGETA: Get the f**k off me!

(Goku gets up to find Super Android 13 standing in front of him)

GOKU: (weakly) N-Now, I know what you're think-- (gets blasted back by the Android, then repeatedly punched and kicked as he's sent flying until he's punched into the ground again. He gets up again) And the answer... may surpri-- (13 prepares a T.H. Death Bomb)

GOKU: (thinking) Oh man...

(Goku gets sent flying out of the glacier)

GOKU: Wheeee-- (falls into the water)

GOHAN: Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size? (13 turns to him) Uh... Well, clearly not me...

(cut to Goku who's upside-down underwater)

GOKU: (thinking) Well... if you can't beat 'em... (raises his hands up) ...bomb 'em.

(cut to Super Android 13 walking towards Gohan as he backs away)

GOHAN: Uh-maybe one of those Battleball players? I mean not that I watch sports, I have better things to do in my life. Ha-ha... I feel like this is a one-sided conversation...

(13 growls, and Goku rises from the ocean with his hands stretched out. Gohan notices and looks behind 13.)

DR. GERO: (telepathically) 13, if you'd kindly turn around... (13 does so) ...and eliminate Son Goku.

(13 growls in disbelief and anger, then unleashs a blast at Goku. Gohan flies around to block it)

GOHAN: Dad, no! (screams as he takes the hit)

GOKU: (obliviously) Good job, son.

DR. GERO: (telepathically) Hmm, unexpected, but not altogether unpleasant. Let's try again, shall we-- (a ki blast flies past 13 and arcs around to hit Goku)

GOKU: Ow!

(cut to Vegeta)

VEGETA: Nobody's killing that idiot but me!

GOKU: (offscreen) Aw, you do care!

DR. GERO: (telepathically) Ugh, fine! Finish off Vegeta, then Son Goku!

(Vegeta screams and charges at 13, delivering a few punches and a kick (which makes a squeaky noise) until 13 grabs his arms and twists them behind him, forcing Vegeta to scream. The screen freezes and turns black-and-white with a slow zoom-in as a Western narrator speaks)

WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the prince realized that when you grab a bull by the horns...

(Cut back as Vegeta continues screaming. 13 lifts Vegeta over his head and--)

WESTERN NARRATOR: ...sometimes, he'll take you for a ride.

(--throws him onto his knee, nearly breaking his spine in half as he screams some more)

GOKU: Keep it up, guys! You're doing great!

(Cut back to Vegeta as his face is covered by 13's hand, his spine still being bent in two by the Android)

DR. GERO: (telepathically) Yes, good! Now hurry and get back to Son-- (a ki blast hits 13 on the back, forcing him to drop Vegeta) Oh my non-existent God... (13 turns to find Trunks)

TRUNKS: Hey! You big blue bastard! I'm a time-traveller from 17 years in the future! And you don't exist there! You know why? Well, besides Multiverse Theory...It's because you die! Right here! By my sword!  (draws his sword and turns Super Saiyan, charging at 13 and slashes at him, only for his sword to break and 13 to grab him--)

WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the time-traveller realized that his sword was about as useless...

(--punch him in the gut--)

WESTERN NARRATOR: ...as a screendoor on a submarine.

(--and send him flying with another ki blast. Meanwhile, Goku is whistling "Mahna Mahna" as ♪he's chargin’ his attack.♪  The Spirit Bomb is enormous at this point)

DR. GERO: (telepathically) Good! Great! Now stop playing around with the battle-- (13 prepares a T.H. Death Bomb) --and focus your efforts on killing-- (Piccolo appears behind him and grabs him by the waist, lifting him up and throwing off his T.H. Death Bomb) --SON OF A WHORE!!!

(Super Android 13 elbows Piccolo's face and punches him into the ground. He then stomps Piccolo's face and--)

WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the green man realized that when you suplex a robot... you'd better... (the music stops and the screen returns to its normal position as he crumples up some paper) Ah, what the hell am I doin'? (walks away, and after a few seconds...)

(--powers up in anger. Goku finishes his Spirit Bomb and turns Super Saiyan)

KRILLIN: (wakes up) Oh right. Spirit Saiyan. (sees Goku ABSORBING the Spirit Bomb) ...What?

(Super Android 13, still standing on Piccolo, turns to Goku as the glaciers crumble around him while Goku takes in the Spirit Bomb)

DR. GERO: (telepathically) Kill Son Goku! KILL SON GOKU!! KILL SON GOKU BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!

(It's too late as Goku takes in all the energy from the Spirit Bomb... and screams as his force blows away all the glaciers until a crater of water and a pillar of ice with 13 on it remains)

DR. GERO: (telepathically) Oh, this bodes poorly...

(the pillar crumbles away as Goku flies up to 13. Cut to Goku's terrifyingly disproportionate face as flashes of his terrifyingly disproportionate skull appear as well)

DR. GERO: (telepathically) JESUS CHRIST!!!!

(13 screams as Goku punches a hole into his chest--)

WESTERN NARRATOR 2: And that's when the robot realized that he was as dead as a... robot, because... (flips a page as the music stops) robots are technically... not alive by the traditional definition of... D'these people even give a damn anymore? I swear they stopped trying after Season 2!

(--and launches him into the air, as his arms and legs are blown off before he completely explodes. As the explosion clears, a single glacier floats by. 13's trucker hat is seen being carried off by the wind)

(cut to the hospital with an ass-shot of the nurse walking by Goku and his friends; Gohan and Krillin are bandaged in beds while Chi-Chi, a bandaged Goku, Trunks, Oolong, Master Roshi gather around them)

MASTER ROSHI: Hello, nurse!

KRILLIN: Man! Catching Vegeta really f**ked my shit up! How about you, Goku? You seem fine.

GOKU: Yep! Senzu beans healed my nuts up good!

CHI-CHI: Thank God!

KRILLIN: Ha-hey, that's great! So, you got any to share?

GOKU: I kinda needed a few...

TRUNKS: I'm glad you're all fine. But it does concern me that there are apparently more androids out there.

KRILLIN: Actually, I had a thought about that.

(cut to Dr. Gero's super-computer, now mostly inactive)

DR. GERO: Well, that was a total bust. I suppose I'll just continue nursing Plan B. What's another 17 years? I'm not going anywhere. (Trunks and Krillin are faintly heard outside (a la "Cell Reception") as the doors open) Wait. What is that noise?

KRILLIN: (offscreen) Wow. "Danger, Will Robinson."

(cut to the remains of Dr. Gero's main lab)

TRUNKS: (offscreen) Who's Will Robinson?

DR. GERO: Oh no... (he, along with the sub-lab, explodes)

(Ending credits roll on the side of a Red Ribbon truck driving through a snowy background)

(the truck drives by after the credits to Vegeta and Piccolo sitting on a lone block of ice in the ocean, backs turned against each other)

PICCOLO: Is it over?

VEGETA: Not 'til the fish jumps.

PICCOLO: ... (coughs a little)

VEGETA: (coughs a little)

PICCOLO: ... So... What were you doing in the Arctic?

VEGETA: What were YOU doing in the Arctic?

PICCOLO: I don't have a place to live. What's your excuse?

VEGETA: Look, green man, if you must know, I was just trying to find a place where I can be alone for a little bit and have some "me" time. Turns out, the Arctic wasn't the best solution.

PICCOLO: Yeah, it would, uh... seem that way.

VEGETA: Yeah. Yeah. It would.

PICCOLO: ...So what do you do for fun--

FISH: (jumps) Fin! (splashes into the water as the scene cuts to the word "FIN" on a black background)

PICCOLO: Oh, I get it.

VEGETA: It's 'cause he's a fish...

[YouTube OUTRO]

ANDROID 13: Well now, that sure was a doozy of a movie. If y'all enjoyed, maybe consider likin' and subscribin'. If'n ya wanna watch some'n else by these folks, check out their gamin' channel or maybe their Final Fantasy VII Machinabridged. Or, if you're interested in the voice o' yours truly...

(Android 13's voice slowly changes to his voice actor's, Ricepirate)

RICEPIRATE: ...You can check out my YouTube channel, ricepiratenewgrounds. Or honestly, just look up Ricepirate. It's easier that way... Or you could always scream at my face over Twitter @RicepirateMic. Hey, thanks for watching and be sure to click around to get your fill of Teamfourstar. (sexually) I know I am...

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