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DragonThing Z Kai/Transcript

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[DISCLAIMER]

FREEZA: This is a parody. BUY THE F**KING SHOW!

(cut to Goku in Wukong Hospital staring at the people staring at him)

PA: (faintly) Paging Dr. Bender...  Dr. Bender...

KRILLIN: Let's go to space!

(Kami's ship is seen flying off into space)

[KAI OPENING SEQUENCE]

GOKU: Dragon Soul!

(cut to Krillin, Gohan, and Bulma flying through space)

KRILLIN: Going to Namek!

(shift to the spaceship floating in front of Fake Namek)

GOHAN: Is that Namek?

KRILLIN: No!

(shift to the spaceship floating in front of a mystery ship)

GOHAN: Is that Namek?

KRILLIN: No!

(shift to the spaceship floating in front of Namek)

GOHAN: Is that Namek?

KRILLIN: BOO-YAH! (the trio land on Namek) This place is boring!

GOHAN: (notices a space pod) Is that a Saiyan pod?

KRILLIN: We're all gonna die!

(cut to Vegeta arriving on Namek. Krillin's screaming can be heard faintly in the background.)

VEGETA: I'm on Namek now!

CUI: Hey, Vegeta.

VEGETA: Hi, Cui. (blows up Cui) Bye, Cui.

(cut to Freeza)

FREEZA: Hello, I'm space Napolehitler. Give me the thing.

MOURI: No!

FREEZA: Give me the thing.

MOURI: No!

FREEZA: Kill his kid. (Dodoria fires a mouth blast at Cargo, who dies and gives off a Wilhelm Scream) Give me the thing.

MOURI: Here. (hands Freeza a DragonBall)

FREEZA: Good. Kill him.

MOURI: But the thing! (Dodoria snaps Mouri's neck, killing him)

FREEZA: Other kid.

GOHAN: NO! (kicks Dodoria in the face while Krillin grabs Dende)

KRILLIN: Quack! (they both fly off)

FREEZA: What the space fu--

(cut to Krillin and Gohan fleeing)

KRILLIN: Think we're in the clear! (Dodoria appears behind them) We're all gonna die!

GOHAN: Use your Solar Flare!

KRILLIN: Oh, I do know that.. SOLFLAH! (blinds Dodoria with an image of Lanipator dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter being briefly seen)

DODORIA: UGH! BITCH!!! (gets knocked to the water) UGH!!! DOUBLE BITCH!

VEGETA: 'Sup, Chubbs McKenzie? Any last words before I kill you?

DODORIA: I have a thick... meaty... vagina...

(Vegeta is shown with darkened eyes, deeply disturbed by this revelation, and kills Dodoria. Vegeta then closes his eyes and begins to heave.)

(cut to Gohan and Krillin)

GOHAN: We're alive!

KRILLIN: But they have the thing!

GOHAN: We have a thing.

DENDE: My name is--

KRILLIN: Little Green!

(shows Dende with a Borderlands-style intro screen, showing the text "White Mage" and "Little Green")

DENDE: My parents are dead!

(cut to Freeza)

FREEZA: Dodoria's dead?!

ZARBON: Mmm.

FREEZA: Vegeta! Get him!

ZARBON: Mmm!

(cut back to Krillin, Gohan, and Dende)

KRILLIN: We're stayin' here! Gohan, look after Little Green!

DENDE: Hey.

KRILLIN: Bulma...! Do not do anything for this entire trip! (Bulma nods) Good!

(cut to Vegeta holding a DragonBall)

VEGETA: Found me a thing! (throws DragonBall into a lake) Time to get more things!

(Vegeta flies off only to get cut off by Zarbon)

VEGETA: Hey, it's the gay one.

ZARBON: Maybe I'm gay, or maybe stereotypes are bullshit. Mmm! (transforms into his monster form) PUSSY!

VEGETA: Oh, no! (gets attacked by Zarbon and the scene cuts to him inside a healing tank)

(cut to inside Guru's house)

KRILLIN: So who are you?

GURU: I am Guru.

KRILLIN: Oh, okay, well--

GURU: But you can call me Super Mega Ultra Alpha Omega Hyper Turbo...

NAIL: (gives Krillin a DragonBall) Just take the thing-- he'll be at this for a while.

KRILLIN: Woohoo!

(cut back at Freeza's ship where Zarbon and Appule watch Vegeta, who's still recovering from inside a healing tank)

ZARBON: Mmm. (Leaves the room, being promptly followed up by an explosion) Mmm!

VEGETA: (tosses all of Freeza's previously-acquired DragonBalls out the ship) Grab all the things! (laughs maniacally and leaps out the window)

(cut to Krillin and Bulma)

KRILLIN: I got a thing! Where's Gohan?

(Vegeta appears, still laughing maniacally, and Krillin screams. Zarbon appears.)

ZARBON: Mmm. (transforms into his monster form) Mmm! (Vegeta puts his fist in Zarbon's stomach) MMM!

(Vegeta blast a hole through Zarbon's stomach--still laughing maniacally--and takes off with Krillin's DragonBall)

KRILLIN: (stops screaming) No, seriously, where's Gohan?

(cut to Gohan, who has had the misfortune to encounter Vegeta)

GOHAN: Oh, hi, Vegeta-- (Vegeta knees him in the stomach and begins laughing again as he takes off) Still got his thing.

(Cut to Vegeta--still laughing mad--jumping into the water where he hid a DragonBall Gohan had just taken. Vegeta then bursts out of the water, screaming his lungs out. His scream is so strong that it crashes the Adobe Flash plugin, which he then smashes through and flies off.)

(cut to Freeza)

FREEZA: Zarbon's dead?!

MINION: Zarbon's dead.

FREEZA: F**k! Call the Ginyus.

MINION: 'Kay. (is heard leaving the room)

FREEZA: Seriously, though, what is today?

(cut to Guru's house)

GURU: ...Bigger, Longer, and Uncut Guru. (sees Gohan) Oh, hello.

GOHAN: Why am I here?

DENDE: Why am I here?

GURU: Power up! (unlocks Gohan's hidden potential)

GOHAN: Will this actually matter?

GURU: Probably not.

(Vegeta shows up and grabs Gohan by the scarf)

VEGETA: Hey, guys, you remind me of some assholes I'm gonna kill! (Krillin freaks and Vegeta drops Gohan) There's no time for that, because the Ginyus are coming! (grabs Krillin)

KRILLIN: Okay, what?

(the Ginyu Force appear)

VEGETA: Right now!

(the Ginyu Force do their battle poses with "SANJOU!! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!!" playing faintly in the background)

CAPTAIN GINYU: Ginyu!

JEICE: Jeice!

BURTER: Burter!

GULDO: Guldo!

RECOOME: Recoome!

CAPTAIN GINYU: And together we are....

GINYU FORCE: THE GINYU F-- (they are crushed beneath a spaceship)

GOKU: (weakly) Hey guys, I made it!

(shows the wreckage of Goku's spaceship)

KRILLIN: Goku's ship killed the Ginyus! And he's out of commission, what are the odds?

VEGETA: Put him in... the pod!

(dramatic music starts plays while the camera zooms on Vegeta face before cutting to Goku inside a healing tank)

GOKU: (thinking) I wonder if this will become a trend?

KRILLIN: Where's Freeza?

(cut to Freeza ripping off Nail's arm)

NAIL: Aaahhh!

(cut back to Krillin)

KRILLIN: Team Three Star!

VEGETA: That's not funny! It's never been funny! It's never gonna be funny! (gives armor to Gohan and Krillin) Put on these clothes, I'ma nap.

(cut to outside Freeza's ship where Krillin and Deande are right next to all seven DragonBalls and Gohan is on Freeza's ship)

KRILLIN: Hey, Gohan, I found the things! Wanna do the thing?

GOHAN: Sure, but when did Dende get here?

DENDE: Hey.

(they summon Porunga)

GOHAN: So, what are we--

KRILLIN: Bring Piccolo back!

PICCOLO: (on King Kai's planet) Yeah!

KRILLIN: Now bring him to Namek!

PICCOLO: NO-- (gets transported to Namek) --OO!

(cut to Piccolo finding Nail on the ground)

NAIL: Oh, hi!

PICCOLO: 'Sup?

NAIL: Wanna see something cool?

PICCOLO: Eh, why not? (Piccolo fuses with Nail)

(cut back to Krillin and Gohan)

KRILLIN: And for our last wish...

VEGETA: (appears and grabs Dende by the scarf) You'll give me immortality, or I'll murder his parents!

DENDE: Joke's on you.

(Porunga's eyes go black and suddenly vanishes with all the DragonBalls turning to stone)

VEGETA: Wait, am I immortal?

FREEZA: I don't know. Let's see...

KRILLIN: (off-screen) Hoo-hoo-hoo, he's pissed!

VEGETA: Ha! I'm not afraid of you!

(Freeza transforms into his second form, making a power-up sound effect from Super Mario Bros.)

FREEZA: How about now?

KRILLIN: (off-screen) Ha! Horny!

(Freeza spears Krillin with one of his horns and proceeds to torture him, using Super Star theme from Super Mario Bros., before throwing him towards the lake)

FREEZA: (flipping the bird) All right, who's ne-- (Piccolo sends him flying with a punch)

PICCOLO: I'm two guys now!

NAIL: ('Sup?)

GOHAN: Krillin, no!

KRILLIN: I'm okay!

GOHAN: What? How?

DENDE: (appears next to Gohan) Hey.

(Freeza, now in his final from, fires a blast and kills Dende)

FREEZA: And this is my fourth and final form.

KRILLIN: What happened to the third form?

VEGETA: I don't care what happened, because I'm a Super Saiy--

(Freeza takes Vegeta out in two blows and knocks him into the ground)

VEGETA: (starts getting choked by Freeza's tail) No, Freeza-dono, yamete!

FREEZA: I'm sorry, what were you on about before?

VEGETA: (in pain) I'm a Super Saiy-- (Freeza punches him twice in the face)

FREEZA: Apologies, still can't make it out.

VEGETA: (hoarsely) I'm a Super Saiya-- (Freeza throws him against a cliff and grabs him by the armor)

FREEZA: And now to finish the--

GOKU: Hey, let that Vegeta alone!

FREEZA: And what the hell is he?

VEGETA: (weakly) He's a Super Saiyan-- (Freeza blasts him through the chest)

GOKU: Oh, no! You... (Vegeta coughs up blood) ...You killed Vegeta! You are so decked! (Goku charges at Freeza)

(cut to King Kai's planet)

YAMCHA: Hey, King Kai, can you teach us the--

KING KAI: NO!

(cut back to Namek with Freeza knocking Goku to the ground)

GOKU: (thinking) Dang it, nothing's worked. Better use that thing that always works! (raises both hands in the sky)

FREEZA: Stop it.

GOKU: No.

FREEZA: Stop it.

GOKU: No!

FREEZA: STOP. IT.

(Goku blows a raspberry)

FREEZA: That's it, stopping it myself! (Begins charging up a Death Ball, with Piccolo's head popping up. Goku launches the Spirit Bomb at Freeza.) What the--?

UNREAL TOURNAMENT ANNOUNCER: DOMINATING!

FREEZA: (extends both arms out) Eep.

(Shows an outside shot of Namek, with a white flash appearing on the planet. Cut to Goku, Gohan, Krillin, and Piccolo in Namek on an island.)

GOHAN: You won, Dad!

GOKU: And we didn't even lose Krill-- (Krillin screams and gets blown up) Aw, swizzlesticks.

FREEZA: JK, not dead. LOL. (blasts Piccolo in the chest)

PICCOLO: Augh! Right in the tit! (collapses)

GOHAN: P-Piccolo... (drops to his knees) Why... didn't... you... DOOOOOOOODGE?!

GOKU: This ruffles my jimmies! (Screams and transforms into a Super Saiyan, making a squeaking sound. Gohan is shocked by this.) Take Piccolo and leave.

GOHAN: 'Kay.

FREEZA: Okay, so what's going on here?

GOKU: (powers up) I AM A SUPER SANDWICH! (socks Freeza in the face)

FREEZA: Ahh! Prick! (fires a huge blast into Namek's core)

GOKU: Uh-oh, spaghetti-- (explosion)

(cut to King Kai's planet)

KING KAI: Well, Goku's dead.

TIEN: Really?

KING KAI: Probably not.

KAMI: (telepathically) King Kai, we have the things.

KING KAI: Do the thing!

(cut to Goku and Freeza on Namek, which is detonating around them)

FREEZA: Well, that didn't quite work like I-- (notices Porunga) Wait, is that a dragon?

GOKU: Yeah.

FREEZA: Bye! (speeds off towards the dragon)

GOKU: Wait!

FREEZA: Make me immortal!

PORUNGA: !nogard a m'I !uoy kcuF (subtiles read OR MAYBE YOU LEARN TO SPEAK GODDAMN NAMEKIAN)

(everyone starts disappearing)

VEGETA: And I'm here, too-- (disappears)

FREEZA: What the goddamn shit just happened?

DENDE: Hey. (disappears as Freeza tries to kill him again)

FREEZA: You f**dog bark**ked me! You f**chicken sound**ked me, you monkey f**monkey screech**k!

GOKU: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. (Freeza bear-hugs him from behind) No, Freezer-dono, yamete!

(cut to everyone else on Earth)

PICCOLO: Well, I'm confused.

GOHAN: It looks like the dragon brought every person on Namek to Earth!

PICCOLO: All of them!?

GURU: Hey, guys. Dying.

NAMEKIAN: Do you have any last words, sir?

GURU: I am hilarious.. and you will quote... everything... (starts vanishing) I... say... (completely vanishes)

NAMEKIAN: Ha, he'll be missed.

(back on Namek with Freeza being seen getting knocked away)

GOKU: And bored. See ya! (flies off)

FREEZA: What?! Get back here! Kien-structo Disc! (throws Destructo Disk and immediately gets split in half) How?? (his dismembered body lands on the ground)

GOKU: So... which way's your ship?

(Freeza's severed hand lands next to him and points)

FREEZA: (weakly) That way...

(cut to Goku on Freeza's ship, repeatedly pushing the muffin button and laughing until Namek turns into a giant muffin)

GOKU: *giggles* Yay!

(giant muffin explodes into millions of muffins)

[KAI ENDING SEQUENCE]

GOKU: Dragon Soul!

(cut to a silhouetted figure in front of a computer with the DragonBall Z Kai Abridged logo on the monitor)

NAPPA: And... unsubscribed. (unsubscribes)

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