BURTER: (reading the disclaimer extremely quickly) The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. Yes! Best time!

(cuts to Goku flying in the sky, finally arriving on Planet Namek)

GOKU: Finally, I'm on Planet Namek.

KRILLIN: (in distance) Help uuuuussssss!

GOKU: So serene.

KRILLIN: (in distance) Oh, God, he's killing us! Heeeeeelp!

GOKU: I think I hear a duck. But this far out in space? That doesn't make any sense!

KRILLIN: (in distance) Quaaaaaaaack...

GOKU: Oh, no! That sounds like Krillin! Imma comin'! (powers up to Kaio-ken)


(shows Burter's face on the screen along with an ad on Team Four Star soda and Spacey's, accompanied by an announcer speaking in Japanese)

(cuts to outside Freeza's ship)

FREEZA: I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the Space Boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way in because everybody's inbred and looks the f**king same! Not to mention I lost Dodoria and Zarbon, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, who I am convinced is named Chuck!

CAPTAIN GINYU: Lord Freeza...


CAPTAIN GINYU: There may still be a few holed up somewhere. Perhaps you should check your scouter.

(Freeza pauses for a brief moment and then checks his scouter)

FREEZA: Well, would you look at that? Three in that direction. (gets in his bubble car) Good work, Ginyu.

CAPTAIN GINYU: All in a day's work sir.

(Freeza flies off)

CAPTAIN GINYU: And now... the Dance of Solitude! (Captain Ginyu starts dancing, with "Vouge" playing in the background)

(cuts to Burter and Jeice as they watch a red dot approaching the battlefield)

BURTER: So are we just waiting for this thing or wha--

(Goku quickly flies into the battlefield)

JEICE: Holy doolie!

BURTER: Jesus, that was fast! I-I mean not as... not as fast as me considering I'm the fastest in the... in the universe. But compared to the average person...

JEICE: We get it, mate. It's cool.

(Goku starts shaking a nearly-dead Gohan, who makes snapping noises while doing so)

GOKU: Gohan. Hey, Gohan. Gohaaaan... Gohan? (Gohan doesn't respond, with his neck limply falling down) Maybe he'll wake up if I shake him some more...

KRILLIN: Goku, just give him a Senzu!

GOKU: Oh, right. (starts getting a Senzu Bean) Eat up, Gohan.

RECOOME: Hey! Recoome was in the middle of a match, here! So how 'bout yo--

GOKU: Sir... I am talking to my son.

RECOOME: Oh, Recoome apologizes. Wait, what am I apologizing for? RECOOME'S GONNA KILL YOU!

(Gohan gets fed a Senzu Bean, making a Final Fantasy sound effect along with a green 9999 appearing over his head, and wakes up)

GOHAN: Dad...? Dad! (clutches Goku's shirt) Oh, my God, you're here! I love you, Dad!

GOKU: That's right, Gohan. I am here. (walks up to Krillin) Hey, Krillin! Ya hangin' in there?

KRILLIN: Oh, I've had worse. Ya know... when I died... This is definitely a close second, though.

RECOOME: Recoome will not be ignored!

GOKU: Sir. I am trying to talk to my friends! (to Vegeta) Hey Vegeta, we're friends now, right?

VEGETA: F**k off.

GOKU: The best. So have a magic bean! (tosses a Senzu Bean at Vegeta, who catches it) But make sure you chew it, or else you'll grow a beanstalk in your belly!

KRILLIN: Goku, it was terrible! We landed here, and then there were these really strong guys, and then there was even more strong guys, and then our ship blew up, (voice starts breaking down) and then there was even more strong--

GOKU: Bored now. Reading your mind.

KRILLIN: Wait, what?

(Goku places his hand on Krillin's head and reads his mind)

GOKU: Haha! That thing was a guy.

KRILLIN: Goku, did you just read my mind?

GOKU: Yuh-huh.

KRILLIN: But how could you--

GOKU: Muffin Button.


GOKU: Huh?

RECOOME: THAT'S IT! Recoome has had enough! Feel the strength of the Reeeecoooome Ultra Fighting Miracle... (starts charging up energy)

GOKU: Sir! (elbows Recoome in the stomach, knocking him unconscious) I will fight you in a minute.

VEGETA: (thinking) This... This is impossible! Kakarrot was nowhere near that same level when we fought on Earth! The only way he could have attained this strength is... No! It can't be! The legend says it only happens every 1,000 years! Has he become... a Super Saiyan?!

GOKU: So, anyway... Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy?

RECOOME: (groans in pain)

VEGETA: Uhh... n-no... I um... Uh...

GHOST NAPPA: You fell down some stairs.

VEGETA: I fell down some stairs.

KRILLIN: No you didn't, you--

VEGETA: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!

(cuts to Guru's house)

GURU: So, Dende... Sucks about your family.

DENDE: We've gone over this...

GURU: But do you know who also lost his family...? Batman.

DENDE: I don't know who that is!

GURU: See? This is why we need TV!


GURU: (singing in the style of the Batman theme song) ♪Nananananananana Dende. Nananananananana Dende. Dende...♪

DENDE: Guru.

GURU: ♪Dende...♪

DENDE: Nail's here.

GURU: (as Nail enters via an elevator, showing a dark bruise on his head) Naaaaaaaiiiiiiilllllll. Why are you back?

NAIL: I never left, sir. I was outside hitting my head against the wall for 20 minutes.

(Flashback to sounds of Nail hitting his head against the wall four times, with Guru flinching everytime he does so. Cuts back to present.)

GURU: So that's what that was... Why have you ignored my order?

NAIL: Because, Lord Guru, I can't leave you unguarded no matter what--

(Guru coughs up mucus, which drips down on Nail's face)

GURU: Clean that up!

(Shows a Batman-style transition with Dende's logo. Cuts back to the battlefield.)

JEICE: What the bleedin' hell?! We were havin' a right ripsnorter here, and then this piker shows up and just like that it's "Goodnight, Irene"!

KRILLIN: (off-screen) We get it, you're from Space Australia!

BURTER: He's making fools out of us, Jeice!

JEICE: You're bloomin' right he is! We'd better bust out our special technique...

BURTER & JEICE: (both start powering up) Seizure Procedure!

(The two combined into a whirling blue and red vortex, as the screen starts flashing red and blue, with "Sandstorm" by Darude playing in the background. Goku is seen silently glaring at the vortex.)

GOHAN: Krillin, whatever you do, don't look directly at it! Krillin?

(Krillin is seen with his eyes rolled back in his head, foaming at his wide-open mouth, and moaning unintelligibly)

(Krillin Owned Count: 13)

JEICE: No way! No one resists the Seizure Procedure!


(Burter and Jeice lands next to Goku; Burter landing from behind while Jeice lands in the front)

JEICE: Alright, you bastard. Prepare to feel the wrath of the Ginyu-- (Goku punches Jeice in the face) Argh! Gah! You goddamn wanker! You punched me in the-- (Goku punches Jeice again) Argh! Gah! Ya did it again! (Goku punches Jeice yet again) Daah! Stop it! Stop it! (Goku punches Jeice a fourth time) Ah! Piss! (thinking) Oh, what did the cap'n tell us to do in this situation?!

(shows a flashback with Captain Ginyu's face)

CAPTAIN GINYU: Jeice, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to--

(Goku punches Jeice a fifth time, ending the flashback)

JEICE: Gahhh! Ow! He cut off the cap'n!

GOKU: So, aren't you gonna dodge any of these?

JEICE: Oh, that's what the cap'n-- (Goku punches Jeice a SIXTH time) Ahh! (to Burter) BURTER! SUPPORT!!

BURTER: Well, you've got very nice hair, you're a beautiful shade of red, and honestly, you're the only guy I can rely on on this team.

JEICE: I meant punch him, ya daft bastard! Argh! Oh, but thanks, you know? That did really cheered me-- (Goku punches Jeice... you know what? You get the point) Ahh! God, I think he broke something that time!

(Burter and Jeice attacks Goku, with Goku easily blocking both their attacks. Goku then counter attacks by sweepkicking Burter off his feet and then gets back up and holds his hands near his face, all while "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer plays, the music pausing at word "Stop:".)

GOKU: Goku time! (blasts Burter and Jeice away simultaneously with a Kiai blast)

JEICE: Alright, this is just bloody stupid!

BURTER: Calm down! We gotta come up with a plan! Listen, if you use your Crusher Ball on him, I can rush him the moment he tries to dodge. He may be fast, but he's not faster than the fastest guy in the universe!

JEICE: Okay, mate, we need to talk. About this whole "fastest in the universe" thing. First off, the Cap'n's got a higher power level than you.

BURTER: Yeah, so?

JEICE: Well then, correct me if I'm wrong, but a higher power level means he's faster, yeah?

BURTER: Well okay... Maybe...

JEICE: And Lord Freeza's got a higher power level than all of us...

BURTER: Okay, that's just not fair...

JEICE: And, if ya think about it, Guldo can stop time, so that technically makes him faster than--


JEICE: Burter, calm down.

BURTER: NO, SHUT UP! YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID RED FACE! (doing a Jeice impression) "Oh, don't worry, mate, you're just slower than Guldo!" (continues speaking inaudibly in off-screen during Goku's thought transition)

GOKU: (thinking) I wonder if there's a Denny's on this planet... I could really go for a Grand Slam...

BURTER: don't know what it's like! Everyone has something special! I don't! What am I? The big blue snake guy. That's all I've got! (voice starts breaking down) That's all I've go-o-ot...

JEICE: Geez, mate. I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

BURTER: I just... I just wanna be special. Something to call my own, you know?

JEICE: Mate, mate. Ya do got something special: You're me mate.

BURTER: Ahh, dude...

JEICE: No, no, really. Remember when I had to move me piano into me flat and Recoome was too busy with his match and Guldo, well, he was Guldo, but you! You got those ivory keys up those five flights in no time at all. You're me best mate!

BURTER: Thanks, Jeice. You're my best friend too... Ya know, after all this is over, whaddya say we head off to Spacey's and just have a good ol' time?

JEICE: Sounds good, mate.

BURTER: But remember, you still owe me that space soda!

JEICE: Haha! You're right I do. Now, let's go show that bloke what for-

(Goku attacks Burter by kicking him the back, sending him flying towards the ground, only to be caught by Goku, who throws him onto the ground, rendering him unconscious)

GOKU: (to Jeice) Say, do you know where there's a Denny's around here?

JEICE: Burter! No!

GOKU: Butter! That'll go great on my Grand Slam!

JEICE: You just killed me best mate! I'm... I'm gonna get the cap'n. And he's gonna beat you up! (charges up energy and flies away) CAAAPTAIIIIIN!

GOKU: Well, that was fun. Now where are the fighters? I really wanna deck that Freezer guy!

VEGETA: You've got to be kidding... This is a Super Saiyan?

GOKU: A Super what?

VEGETA: Nothing. Just... lamenting my crushed dreams...

KRILLIN: Goku! I can't believe you're so strong!

GOKU: Well, I did train at 100x normal gravity...

VEGETA: (eyes widen) FUU**********... (continues cursing in the background)

KRILLIN: Man, no wonder you killed them so easily.


GOKU: Krillin, I'm not gonna kill them.... They're hardly even a threat.

(The renegade icon from Mass Effect 3 appears at the bottom right of the screen. Vegeta grins before killing Burter by breaking his neck and then fires a blast at Recoome, killing him as well)

GOKU: Vegeta...! That was not very Paragon!

VEGETA: (spits) Renegade for life.



VEGETA: You think that's bad? Seriously, if you hit him hard enough you can play a song.

(Vegeta repeatedly stomps on Burter's neck, causing the latter to groan repeatedly in the tune of "Tetris")

VEGETA: Ahahahah! I don't even know what that's from.

KRILLIN: I think that was Tetris.

VEGETA: Isn't that what you get when you cut yourself with something rusty?

GOKU: Nope. That's rabies.

GOHAN: Actually, Dad, you contract rabies when you're bitten by an animal with the disease.

GOKU: Silly Gohan. Animals don't eat people... People eat animals. Silly Gohan.