YAMCHA: The following is a-- Oh, wait, uh, I-I did this last time, didn't I? W-What's going on? I mean, heh, o-okay... *clears throat* The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. I, uh, why have I... why've I got a bad feeling about this?
(cut to Chi-Chi, Goku, Gohan, and Piccolo outside Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: All right, I packed you all some lunches for your field trip.
GOKU: We're going to Urgay!
CHI-CHI: Make sure you're safe now, okay?
GOKU: Well, I don't know how safe we can be... We're gonna be fighting androids.
CHI-CHI: Uh, wha--?
GOKU: But make sure you don't tell Chi-Chi-- (stops and realizes who he's talking to)
GOHAN: Three years, Dad. Three years you almost had it.
GOKU: (quickly) I'm taking Gohan, bye! (vanishes with Gohan and Piccolo)
(cut to Goku, Gohan, and Piccolo flying in the sky with Chi-Chi screaming with fury behind them)
(cut to Goku, Piccolo, and Gohan flying towards the island where the androids are expected to appear)
PICCOLO: So what do you think? How ready are we to take on these androids?
GOKU: On a scale of one to ten? My chest hurts...
GOKU: Uh, seven or eight.
GOHAN: (notices Krillin flying in front of them) Hey look, it's Krillin! Hey, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Oh. Hey, Gohan! You've barely grown since the last time I saw ya, huh?
GOKU: It's funny. I think that every time I see you.
KRILLIN: Ha-ha... (looks down and sighs)
GOHAN: (notices an island up ahead) Hey, that must be the island!
(cut the the group floating above the island)
KRILLIN: Holy crap! This city is huge!
GOHAN: And this island's so tiny... What do these people do here?
KRILLIN: Apparently, prostitution is legal.
PICCOLO: So, the prostitutes...
YAMCHA: (on a cliff with Tien) Hey, guys! Down here!
(everyone lands near Yamcha and Tien)
KRILLIN: Hey Yamcha! Tenshinhan! Bulma! Bulma's ba-ba-ba... (camera pans up showing Bulma holding a baby) Bulma has a baby?
BULMA: Ya damn right!
YAMCHA: Yeah... and you won't believe who the father is.
YAMCHA: Well, it could have been mine!
BULMA: It's Vegeta.
YAMCHA: (disappointed) I'm just gonna walk over here... (starts walking away)
BULMA: He's my baby boy! His name is Trunks.
GOKU: *laughs* That's a girl's name! (baby Trunks shyly hides his face)
PICCOLO: So, then... where's daddy?
BULMA: Unfortunately, our last conversation was...
(flashback to Bulma and Vegeta's last conversation showing an outside shot of Capsule Corporation)
BULMA: (from inside the house) You are such an unbelievable asshole!
VEGETA: (from inside the house) You know, you're being bitchier than usual today; and not in a hot way.
BULMA: You got me pregnant, you idiot!
VEGETA: How is that my fault?
BULMA: You said you were wearing protection!
VEGETA: I was wearing my armor!
BULMA: *sighs* You're a moron.
VEGETA: (glass shattering is heard from inside) Well, what do you expect me to do about it?
BULMA: What you're going to do is go out, get a job, and help me raise our child!
(brief pause and then shows a Capsule Corporation spaceship blasting off into space)
(back to present)
BULMA: That was a year and a half ago. So, you know, you tell me.
KRILLIN: Well, on the plus side, your boobs look amazing!
BULMA: I... you... Ugh. (thinking) Just take the compliment.
TIEN: If you guys are done acting out your favorite chick flick, we've got incoming.
(shows Yajirobe arriving at the cliff in a hovercar, with the song "Cat Loves Food" being heard)
YAMCHA: (thinking) Oh, God, not my song...
(Yajirobe lands in front the group and jumps out of his hovercar)
GOKU: Oh, wow! Yajirobe! I can't believe it! You came all this way to help us fight the--
YAJIROBE: Yeah, no. Korin sent me. Take your beans. (hands Goku a bag of Senzu Beans) Bean Daddy out.
GOKU: Bean Daddy?
YAJIROBE: It's what I call my burrito shop. Or at least I would... if Korin would let me have one! (flies off in his hovercar, with the same song playing as he leaves the group)
KRILLIN: So, that song...
YAMCHA: I was desperate and needed the money-- and no, it wasn't worth it.
GOKU: (after an awkward pause) Cat Loves Food, Y-Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... (Yajirobe's hovercar suddenly gets shot down from the sky, with a screaming Yajirobe falling into the water) Oh hey, we've never wished him back before...
PICCOLO: Look! In the sky!
GOKU: Is it a bird?
PICCOLO: It's the androids!
GOKU: My second guess was plane...
(the androids fly down into the city)
TIEN: Damn! They flew into the city.
YAMCHA: I can't sense their energy!
GOKU: Neither can I...! And that's my specialty!
GOHAN: It must be because they're androids-- we only know how to sense life energy!
PICCOLO: Then we'll have to hunt them down the old-fashioned way... Search the city!
YAMCHA: (whining over Krillin) What?! Oh, come on, really?! Do we have to?! I mean, I just wanna go home!
KRILLIN: (whining over Yamcha) Oh, I don't wanna go in the city!
GOKU: All right gang, split up and search for clues. Gohan, go grab Yajirobe. Bulma, hold the Senzu Beans-- they'll only weigh us down. (throws the bag of Senzu Beans at Bulma)
BULMA: Hold on, what?
GOKU: Break! (everyone flies off into the city)
(cut to inside the city where two mysterious figures, presumably the two Androids, landing on the ground and start walking away before shifting to Goku landing on top of a building)
GOKU: (thinking) All right now, if I were an android, where would I be? Well, I guess I'd be right here, because being an android wouldn't really change where I am, just what I am.. If you think about it...
(cut to another part of the city where a stoner is seen riding a hoverboard and falls off as Krillin lands in front of him)
KRILLIN: All right, time to find me some androids! (to the stoner) Hey you, have you seen any androids?
STONER: I don't know. Are you an android?
STONER: Then, no. But I did see a flying dude-- landed right in front of me, man! Looked a lot like you... (short pause) You holdin'?
(cut to another part of the city with two guys talking)
TOM: Hey, Jerry. You see that car explode?
JERRY: Yeah. I'll bet you it was a terrorist attack.
TOM: Jerry, you always think it's terrorism; you think your house gettin' TP'd is terrorism!
JERRY: You're what's wrong with this country. What do you think, inconspicuous old man and mime? (referring to the two Red Ribbon Androids nearby, with the white one walking up to him) Whoa, whoa, whoa, Marcel Marceau! If that's what you're lookin' for... it's gonna be thirty dollars an hour. Fifty if you want it weird.
(The white Android headbutts Jerry and punches Tom in the face, sending him crashing into a building. The old Android looks on before an angry driver blows his horn from inside his car.)
ANGRY DRIVER: Hey you old jackass, get out of the road! You wanna beat up prostitutes do it on your own damn time!
(the old Android walks up and rips the engine from inside the car)
ANGRY DRIVER: Please put that back... I kind of need that to flee from you...
(The old Android walks up and lifts the angry driver through the roof of his car and starts to choke him. A woman nearby sees this and starts screaming.)
(cut to Yamcha, who hears the scream)
YAMCHA: (thinking) Huh? Oh, man... that was close. Surely someone else heard it, right? I mean, I don't have to-- (woman screams again) Ah, this isn't fair! (runs off and arrives at the scene and notices Tom and Jerry's bodies on the ground) Huh? Oh, God, oh man, oh jeez, oh crap...
(unknown by Yamcha, the two Androids are watching him from above)
ANDROID 20: 19, identify.
ANDROID 19: Orange jumpsuit, black spiky hair, higher than average power level. Son Goku: 94%.
ANDROID 20: I don't remember him having a scar...
ANDROID 19: (re-configures) 87%.
ANDROID 20: Close enough.
(back to Yamcha)
YAMCHA: I am totally in over my head here... Maybe... maybe I should call for help... No, no, no, that's exactly what they'd expect... (looks towards the androids standing right next to him) Isn't that right, inconspicuous old man and-- (Android 20 grabs him by the face and picks him up in the air)
(a large truck appears driving towards the three of them, also blasting Yamcha's "Cat Loves Food" song)
YAMCHA: (muffled) Oh, come on!
TRUCK DRIVER: Huh? Jesus Chriiiiii--
(the truck driver swerves to avoid the three of them and crashes into a gas station, making a humongous explosion)
(cut to Goku)
GOKU: (still debating on the topic Androids vs. Humans—or rather, Saiyans—in his thoughts) I mean, really, an android is just a human with wires instead of veins and oil instead of blood... I wonder if they dream of electric sheep? Mm, techno lamb. (out loud) Huh? (notices an explosion)
TIEN: (sees the explosion) Whoa.
KRILLIN: (also witnesses the explosion) Whoo-hoo! Not me!
(cut back to Yamcha, who is still in Android 20's grasp)
ANDROID 20: Now Son Goku, I shall extract my long-awaited revenge forthwith!
YAMCHA: (muffled) I'm not Goku...! I am Yam...
ANDROID 20: Forthwith! (jabs his hand straight through Yamcha's chest)
YAMCHA: (muffled in pain) ...cha...
(Tien flies down and arrives at the scene)
TIEN: (sees the hole in Yamcha's chest) Oh, come on! Really, man? You couldn't last, like, thirty seconds?
(Piccolo, Krillin, and Goku all arrive at the scene)
ANDROID 20: Ah, we have company...
ANDROID 19: Correction: new target identified as Son Goku. 100% match.
ANDROID 20: Well, then, looks like I don't need this anymore. (throws Yamcha on the ground)
GOKU: *gasps* Oh no! Yamcha's been Yamcha'd! Quick, Krillin, give him a Senzu!
GOKU: Oh, right. Quick, Krillin, take him to Bulma!
KRILLIN: Ha! Looks like there's two kinds of fisting in this city now!
(shows Yamcha's nearly-dead face)
PICCOLO: Pretty sure he's bleeding out...
KRILLIN: All right, fine. (flies away carrying Yamcha) Bulma'll get it...
GOKU: Man... seeing that hole in his chest kinda makes my chest hurt... like, a lot. Anybody else?
PICCOLO: So, then. You two must be the Androids.
ANDROID 20: What? Impossible! How did you know we were Androids?!
ANDROID 19: Scanning probabilities... Scanning... Scanning... Analyzing... Processing...
PICCOLO: Could not tell you off the top of my head.
ANDROID 19: Processing complete. They are psychic. 92.4% (in a Kanassan accent) They can see the future!
ANDROID 20: Psychic, eh? Well, then, bet you won't expect this! (begins rapidly firing eye beams in every direction, reducing the city to a fiery ruin)
GOKU: Stop it!
ANDROID 20: Never!
(Goku rushes forward and punches Android 20 in the face, causing the latter to drop his hat. Android 20 proceeds to lean down to pick up his hat and puts his hat back on.)
ANDROID 20: Ah, I see you have discovered that the off switch to my Ocular Vapo-Beams is in my cheek. But you are too late! The entire population of the city has been reduced to ash! Now no one shall interfere with my revenge!
(shows a shot of Yajirobe, Krillin, a restored Yamcha, Gohan, and Bulma holding baby Trunks watching the destruction of the city from the cliff)
GOKU: Actually, I'm pretty sure you only--
PICCOLO: (interrupting) Yes! The entire population!
GOKU: Oh, right. You are most unkind!
TIEN: We really should move this, though. Hey, Piccolo, know any good wastelands around here?
PICCOLO: Why are you asking me?
TIEN: You know why.
PICCOLO: *sighs* Northwest, about 100 miles. It's actually kind of nice.
GOKU: Then it's a date!
PICCOLO: I could think of worse places. Nice rock formations, neat cacti... (Goku and the androids fly off) Oh, fine! (flies off after them with Tien)
(cut to Yajirobe, Krillin, Yamcha, Gohan, and Bulma on the cliff watching Goku and co. taking the androids out of the city)
KRILLIN: Hey, look! Goku and the others are leaving with the androids!
YAMCHA: Oh, no! We have to warn them! When the old man was holding me, I could feel my life force draining!
KRILLIN: You were losing a lot of blood.
YAMCHA: No, it was coming out of my mouth!
YAMCHA: I'm telling you, they can absorb energy!
GOHAN: Then we have to go now! (flies off with Krillin following suit)
YAMCHA: You know... might just sit this one out.
KRILLIN: Oh yeah, I getcha. I never have any energy after I get a handjob either. BA-DA-BA-BA-DA-BYE! (flies off after Gohan)
BULMA: Well fine, If you're not going anywhere, I need help with the baby. How are you at diapers?
YAMCHA: Hold on, Krillin, I'm coming! (flies off after Krillin)
KRILLIN: Ha ha!
BULMA: So, how you feelin'?
YAJIROBE: My car got blowed up. Well, to be more specific, it was Korin's car. Pussy Wagon ain't no more.
BULMA: Well, then, are you gonna fly after them?
BULMA: Is it because you're fat?
(cut to the androids and Piccolo, Tien, and Goku landing at a wasteland area)
PICCOLO: All right, now that we're away from the city, we can--
GOKU: (while breathing heavily) Heh... Does it feel hot out here to you guys? 'Cause it's hot...!
PICCOLO: As I was saying... we can finally get this underway. But first, who are you? And what do you want?
ANDROID 20: You don't need to know why, just know that I despise every one of you. Especially him. (looks at Goku)
GOKU: (still breathing heavily) Hey, does anyone have any bacon? I sort of ate all of my pocket bacon on the way here...
ANDROID 20: But allow me to shed a little light for you... (shows a flashback of an insectoid nanoborg surveying Goku's battle against Tien) For the last 14 years, ever since the 22nd World Martial Arts Tournament...
GOKU: Oh, I remember that one! I got hit by a car!
ANDROID 20: Indeed. Since then, my insectoid nanoborg has been surveying and processing every battle you have fought, rating them on a scale of one to ten.
TIEN: Out of curiosity, how was ours?
ANDROID 19: (scans) Average - 6.5 out of 10.
TIEN: That's fair, I guess...
PICCOLO: How 'bout mine?
ANDROID 19: (scans) 8 out of 10.
PICCOLO: Ha ha!
ANDROID 20: I have utilized this information to calibrate ourselves appropriately. We are now powerful enough to kill Son Goku, and take revenge for what he did to myself and the Red Ribbon Army!
PICCOLO: Wow, so you even followed him all the way to Namek, huh?
ANDROID 20: Of course I did! 19, what is Namek?
ANDROID 19: (scans) Data not found.
ANDROID 20: What do you mean "data not found"?!
ANDROID 19: Insectoid nanoborg destroyed during Saiyan attack.
ANDROID 20: Bugger all!
PICCOLO: So... I guess you've never seen a Super Saiyan, then?
ANDROID 20: 19?
ANDROID 19: (scans) Data not found.
ANDROID 20: Then, no.
GOKU: Oh, yeah, okay. (powers up and transforms into a Super Saiyan)
ANDROID 19: Power output exceeds projected parameters.
ANDROID 20: I don't care if you're Super Saiyan or a soup-or-salad! 19! Kill him! Kill him proper!
ANDROID 19: Executing murder.exe. Loading... 10%... 20%... 40%... 70%... 65%...
ANDROID 20: Wait, what?
ANDROID 19: (crashes) A fatal error has occurred. This program will now shut down. Would you like to send a report?
ANDROID 20: No, don't send a report!
ANDROID 19: Sending report.
ANDROID 20: Son of a whore! Now to wait five minutes to do absolutely nothing!
(Goku punches Android 19 into a plateau)
ANDROID 20: Oh, bollocks...
(shows an advertisement for Puarina Cat Chow with Yamcha's "Cat Loves Food" song playing in the background)