KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(scene opens up with Gohan trying to wake up Piccolo, who is unconscious from Nappa's attack last episode)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, wake up! You have to stop him!
PICCOLO: (incoherent mumbling)
KRILLIN: Don’t worry, Gohan! Goku's never let us down! I’m sure he’ll be here any second!
(scene cuts to Goku eating food at Princess Snake's castle at Other World)
GOKU: (with his mouth full) Thanks for the food again, Princess Snake!
PRINCESS SNAKE: Well, it’s the least I could do for trying to eat you like that. But I thought there was... (GOKU: Hmm, bacon!) something else you had to do? Something about Saiyans...and the Earth?
(Goku gulps down his food and takes a long pause)
(scene cuts to Goku running on Snake Way)
GOKU: Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!
(scene shifts to Gohan still trying to wake up an unconscious Piccolo)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, get up! Please, get up! Seriously, he’s gonna kill us!
NAPPA: Well, the green guy’s out. Too bad. Guess I’ll have to find someone else to play with!
KRILLIN: (thinking) Please not me! Please not me! Please not me! Please not me! PLEASE NOT ME!
NAPPA: Eenie-meenie-minie-(to Gohan) you.
GOHAN: Wh-What?! (Nappa kicks Gohan) AUGH!
(Gohan gets sent flying into a boulder and lands on the ground)
KRILLIN: (off-screen) WHOOO! Not me! (notices Gohan does not get up) Gohan? (Nappa looks towards Krillin) Uh-oh! Thought that would have lasted longer!
NAPPA: Midget's next! (charges after Krillin) RHAAAA!!!
KRILLIN: (desperately) Wait! My turn! My turn! My turn!
NAPPA: Oh! (suddenly stops dead in his tracks)
VEGETA: What-- Nappa, what are you doing?
NAPPA: It’s his turn, Vegeta. I have to wait for him.
VEGETA: (stammers in complete confusion while his nose starts to bleed)
NAPPA: You okay, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Yes just...just an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity...
NAPPA: Wow, didn’t think you were that stupid, Vegeta.
(Vegeta screams in frustration)
VEGETA: (struggling to restrain his temper) Nine minutes, eighteen seconds... Nine minutes, eighteen seconds...
NAPPA: What’s that, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Happiest...moment...of...my life.
KRILLIN: Hey! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A JOKE, DAMMIT! I’ve got a new technique-- (begins charging his Destructo Disk) Which I probably could have used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends’ lives... But, that’s besides the point! Get ready for my DESTRUCTO DISK!
PICCOLO: (barely alive) Laaame...
KRILLIN: Now, take THIS! (throws Destructo Disk at Nappa)
NAPPA: Ooo! A frisbee, Vegeta!
VEGETA: Nappa, no! It's a trick!
NAPPA: But Vegeta, tricks are for kids.
VEGETA: ...You know what, Nappa? On second thought, catch it. Catch it with your teeth.
NAPPA: Yay, like a doggy! Bow--(gets cut by the disc, which rebounds towards a small mountain) Ow!
RICOLA GUY: Riiiicolaaaa... (The disc cuts the top of the plateau off, causing it to fall) Oh, GODDAMN IT! (the top collapses into a pile of rubble)
NAPPA: (seeing the cut on his face) Oh no! My face! My precious modeling career!
(Remembers having his photo taken for a Vogue magazine)
NAPPA: You know, I was trying to be a team player. (begins charging a blast) Trying to be a nice guy!
KRILLIN: You killed half our friends!
NAPPA: I said, "trying!" (throws blast at Krillin)
KRILLIN: Well you’re failing-- Oh, God! (gets hit by Nappa's blast)
(Krillin Owned Count: 8)
NAPPA: And so are you!
PICCOLO: I’m back! (shoots Nappa in the back)
NAPPA: AAAAAUGH... I see what you did there.
PICCOLO: Now, it’s you and me, big guy! And I’m gonna kick your a--
(Gohan, also regaining conscious, kicks Nappa into a pile boulder)
GOHAN: Take that, you insufferable f**king simpleton!
PICCOLO: WHOA, Gohan! What the hell?!
GOHAN: (calmed down) Oh? Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Piccolo, I didn't mean to snap like that!
PICCOLO: No, stay snapped! STAY SNAPPED-- (Nappa recovers from the attack) Augggh, goddamn it...
NAPPA: (growls) You-a-making-me-so-mad! (begins charging up a powerful blast while Gohan stands still, completely paralyzed in fear)
NAPPA: Vegeta, look, "Imma firing my--" (face turns into Shoop the Whoop) BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
(Gohan still does not try and dodge the blast and stands still, paralyzed with fear)
PICCOLO: (thinking while running towards Gohan) Alright, it’s time to redeem myself-- through one final act of redemption. (appears in front of Gohan to protect him from Nappa's attack) I’ll save Gohan and-- Wait a second, why didn’t I just grab him? I can probably still do that now, actually! Yeah, thats it, I’ll grab him and throw him out of the way-- (gets hit by Nappa's blast) GAAAAAAAAAA!!
(a giant explosion occurs, which causes a giant shockwave)
(smoke clears, revealing that Piccolo is still alive, but mortally wounded)
PICCOLO: Yeah, that’s right, I can take anything you can dish o-- (in his thoughts) oh, God, there go my organs. (falls to the ground)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: (weakly) Unh... Gohan...come closer... There’s...something...I have to tell you...
GOHAN: Is it that you always pictured me as a son, because you can never make your own-- considering you lack the reproductive organs to produce your own legitimate offspring?
PICCOLO: (weakly) Neeeeerrrrrrd.
PICCOLO: Just...shut up and...listen.
GOHAN: What is it, Mr. Piccolo?
PICCOLO: (weakly) Why...didn't...you... (at the top of his lungs) DOOOOOOOODGE?! Bleh. (dies)
GOHAN: NOOOOOO!! (his scream continues to echo, eventually being heard at Kami's Lookout)
KAMI: Ugh! Well Mr. Popo, it seems my time has come. But don’t worry, my friend, you can go to Namek and wish myself and the others back with their Dragon Balls. It will be a long and arduous journey, but I’m sure you can--
MR. POPO: Bitch, I ain’t going nowhere.
KAMI: But Mr. Popo, the fate of the entire universe is--
MR. POPO: Pecking order!
KAMI: But... I... Well then... goodbye, my friend. (fades away following the death of Piccolo)
MR. POPO: (zooms in to his eyes) Byyyye.
(scene shifts back to the battlefield, with Krillin helplessly watching Gohan mourn over Piccolo's death)
NAPPA: Vegeta, did you see me kill the green guy?
VEGETA: (reading a magazine) Yes, Nappa, that was a very good kick.
NAPPA: Daww, Vegeta! You weren't watching! Can you at least watch me kill the toddler?
VEGETA: Ugh, fine! (throws magazing at the ground)
GOHAN: GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
NAPPA: (short pause) What?
GOHAN: I’M GONNA SKULLF*CK YOU! MASENKOOO-HAAAAA! (fires a Masenko at Nappa)
(Nappa deflects Gohan's blast into a plateau)
NAPPA: (while holding his hand, which is numb) Arrrrrgh. Bitch Please!
GOHAN: I’m sorry, Mr. Piccolo. I-I failed you...
KRILLIN: You sure did! I uh... I mean...sorry for your loss.
NAPPA: Well, it’s been fun, kid--I mean, for me, not for you. As for you, everyone important to you is dead.
KRILLIN: Hey, I’m still alive--
NAPPA: Everyone important!
KRILLIN: (sadly) Dammit.
NAPPA: (raises his foot) Now, Nappa Smash!
(Gohan and Krillin both close their eyes, preparing for the worst, but Gohan is suddenly moved out of the way before Nappa can crush him with his foot)
NAPPA: Oo-wa-waa? Hey! Where’d he go! Did he disappear, or was he never there to begin with? (dramatic music and screen zooms in on Nappa's face)
(Gohan is shown to be on top of Flying Nimbus)
NAPPA: Oh wait, there he is.
(Goku lands, finally arriving at scene of the battle)
GOKU: Hey, guys! What'd I miss? I--(notices everyone's corpses) Oh, are they all... Tenshinhan... Piccolo...? Yamcha? Oh wow, especially Yamcha... (notices Chiatzu body is nowhere to bee seen) Wait, where’s Chiaotzu?
KRILLIN: Oh, he’s here...and there...and there...and--
GOHAN: Too soon!
GOKU: I’m sorry I’m late, you guys. But I brought some Senzu Beans for you!
KRILLIN: Woohoo! Thank you, Ex Machina.
GOKU: (to Vegeta and Nappa) Hey! Which one of you did all this?
NAPPA: That was me, totally calling it. (Goku is shaking in rage over the loss of his friends) I killed every single one of them-- except for Chiaotzu. He blew himself up!
(Goku continues to shake in anger and begins to power up)
GOKU: (powering up) HHHHAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!
NAPPA: Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?
VEGETA: (Takes off his scouter) It's...one thousand and six.
NAPPA: Wha-- really?
VEGETA: Yeah, kick his ass, Nappa! (turns off his scouter)
NAPPA: YAY! (charges into battle with Goku)
(Nappa gets beaten to pulp while Vegeta, Gohan, and Krillin watch, completely shocked at Goku's beatdown)
NAPPA: (while getting pummeled by Goku) OOOWWW! Ow ow ow ow! Dah! Doh! Dah! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!
VEGETA: Hm, that doesn't seem right...
NAPPA: (faintly in background) My arm doesn't bend that way! My arm doesn't bend that way! (loud crunching sound is heard) Oh, now it does!
VEGETA: Wait, wait, wait, wait... Nappa!
(Nappa gets knocked over next to Vegeta)
NAPPA: (in pain) Whaaaaat?
VEGETA: I had the Scouter upside down. (once again takes off his scouter) It's over nine thousand. (calmly crushes scouter) Rah.
NAPPA: Why do you sound so bored?!
VEGETA: Because, it's still not a threat.
VEGETA: To me. Besides, once we get the Dragon Balls, we’ll just wish for immortality! Then no one will be able to stop us.
GOKU: Wait, what? But you killed Piccolo.
VEGETA: And your point is...?
GOKU: Well, if he’s dead, the Dragon Balls don’t work.
VEGETA: Wh... what?
NAPPA: Oh, and I totally killed that guy. Oh well, at least we still had fun getting here, right, Vegeta? (Vegeta growls in anger) Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? (Vegeta continues growling in anger) Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vege-- (scene cuts to Nappa getting killed by Vegeta) AAAAAAAAAGH!!! (gets obliterated in an explosion as Vegeta is last seen staring at the sky and giving an evil smirk)