VEGETA: This is a parody! Official release! Support Akira Toriyama!
(cut to a Saiyan space pod crashing down on Earth, with Raditz landing in front of the crater)
FARMER WITH SHOTGUN: You're an alien!
RADITZ: I'm an alien.
PICCOLO: Am I an alien?
RADITZ: Probably. Where's my brother?
PICCOLO: I dunno.
RADITZ: Then you're useless to me! (flies off)
[KAI OPENING SEQUENCE]
GOKU: Dragon Soul!
(cut to Goku and Gohan at Kame House)
GOKU: I have a kid.
GOHAN: I'm socially awkward.
KRILLIN: He's adorable. (gets blasted through a wall by Raditz. The Krillin Owned Count rapidly rises before exploding.)
RADITZ: I'm here for my brother.
GOKU: Am I your brother?
(shows everyone's shocked faces along with a picture of M. Night Shyamalan)
RADITZ: (is seen holding Gohan) I'm taking your son.
GOKU: No, you're not! (gets kneed in the stomach by Raditz, who then flies off) Ahhh! He took my son!
PICCOLO: I'm here to help you.
GOKU: Aren't we enemies?
PICCOLO: Nobody watched DragonBall. Let's go! (he and Goku fly off)
GOKU: Are you a Yoshi?
PICCOLO: Hells yeah!
(cut to Goku and Piccolo about to face off against Raditz)
GOKU: Give me back my son. (Raditz unzips his fly) Gross.
PHIL SEBBEN: Ha-ha! (Raditz beats up Goku and Piccolo and then gets headbutted by Gohan and put in Full Nelson by Goku)
GOKU: Piccolo, get him!
PICCOLO: Makansapalapaka! (hits Goku and Raditz with the Special Beam Cannon)
VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER: Double kill! (Goku and Raditz fall to the ground)
GOKU: And now I am the dead. Bleh. (dies)
KRILLIN: Oh, no, Goku's dead!
VEGETA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Hey Nappa, let's go to Earth.
NAPPA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Ballin'.
KRILLIN: Oh, no, more Saiyans!
PICCOLO: I'm taking Gohan. (takes Gohan and flies away)
(cut to Mr. Popo on Kami's Lookout along with Krillin, Yamcha, Tien holding Chiaotzu, and Yajirobe)
MR. POPO: Hi, maggots. I'm training you. I'm terrifying and a potential rapist. But I'll never say it flat-out. (short pause) BAH!
(cut to Piccolo training Gohan)
PICCOLO: Dodge! (kicks Gohan)
(cut to King Kai's planet)
BOJACK: (from inside the planet) Yarr!
GOKU: Who are you?
KING KAI: I'm King Kai you now know the Kaio-Ken and the Spirit Bomb. F**k off. Shut up, Bojack.
(cut to Piccolo and Gohan on Earth)
PICCOLO: Twelve months have passed, let's go fight Saiyans.
KRILLIN: Oh, God, it's the Saiyans!
KRILLIN: Yamcha's here. (Yamcha gets blown up by a Saibaman)
KRILLIN: Yamcha's dead!
VEGETA: Nappa, get'em.
NAPPA: I am hilarious and you will quote everything I say.
KRILLIN: Tien, get'em!
TIEN: I am the only serious character in this show, that's the joke.
(Chiaotzu, Tien, and Piccolo die)
KRILLIN: Oh, God, everyone's dead.
NAPPA: Hilariously derailing one-liner.
GOKU: Goku's here!
KRILLIN: Goku's here!
VEGETA: (crushes his scouter) It's over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaa...
NAPPA: (screaming with Vegeta) Aaaaaaaaaa...
(Vegeta kills Nappa)
NAPPA: Vegeta why?!
VEGETA: Because I'm a monkey.
(Vegeta transforms into an Ōzaru)
VEGETA: Kaio-what? Ahh!
(Vegeta gets tail cut off by Yajirobe and turns back to normal)
VEGETA: Oh, no, I'm not a monkey! Oh, no, the kid's a monkey! (notices Gohan as an Ōzaru) Destructo Disc! (throws Destructo Disc at Ōzaru Gohan's tail)
KRILLIN: The f**k?
(Destructo Disc cuts off Ōzaru Gohan's tail)
VEGETA: Yay! (Ōzaru falls on top of Vegeta) No! (gets crushed by Ōzaru Gohan) Leaving now.
(Vegeta leaves in his space pod)
GOKU: And we'll never see him again.
VEGETA: (thinking) They'll see me next episode.
GHOST NAPPA: And I'm a ghost, or am I?
[KAI ENDING SEQUENCE]
GOKU: Dragon Soul!
(cut to Yami from Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series in front of a computer with the DragonBall Z Kai Abridged logo on the monitor)
YAMI: This has how many subscribers?